Ahhhh Christmas: a time for family, giving, creating happy memories... and trying to stop your youngest from dismantling your Christmas tree 5,000 times a day.
If 25 December (and indeed, the whole month leading up to it) tends to be pure chaos, welcome to the club. Here are 29 posts on X (formerly Twitter) accurately summing up the carnage that often unfolds in the run up to the big day.
And no, Santa can’t save you.
1.
Toddler-proofed Christmas tree. pic.twitter.com/FTgjWGTCnU
— Rachael King (@rachael_scar) December 5, 2020
2.
My toddler saw Santa for the 2nd time this season and when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she quit smiling, looked him dead in the eye, and told him, “I already told you”. And that was the moment I realized that I’m going to have to get so much better at lying.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) December 16, 2018
3.
My wife wanted to climb the tree in our front yard to hang Christmas lights, but my toddler cried and begged her not to so she wouldn't get hurt. It's was a warm, caring moment that showed how much she loves her mom. Moments later, she suggested I climb the tree instead.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 23, 2020
4.
🤣
— David (@Dont_CallMeDave) September 27, 2022
We took our kids to a Christmas Eve service when my youngest was two (because Grandma was visiting). When we sat down in the pew, 2yo picked up the bulletin, opened it, and said "I'd like a cheeseburger"
5.
Found our 3yo hiding in the bathroom with a giant Tupperware of Christmas cookies and honestly I’m just mad I didn’t think of it first.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 23, 2019
6.
After slaving away making a full Christmas dinner, my 3yo looked lovingly at me and smiled. Then five simple words left her mouth… “can I have cereal instead?”
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) December 25, 2021
7.
“you better not scream, you better not die” — my terrifying 3yo daughter misinterpreting a classic Christmas song, by accident, I hope?
— actioncookbook (@actioncookbook) December 15, 2019
8.
Last year, Rachel took Audrey to church for Christmas. The second time the priest mentioned Jesus, Audrey (then 3yo) said (very loudly) “JESUS? AGAIN??”
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) December 25, 2018
Merry Christmas, everyone.
9.
My 3yo was pulling on the mantle lights, I hopped up to grab the (unlit) candles and sticks from the mantle, removed them (gracefully I thought) to a higher shelf, but as I was reaching to place them, *I* knocked over the Christmas tree ONTO my 3yo.
— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) November 25, 2023
10.
asked 3yo what stories she'd like me to put on her kid speaker thing (a tonie box, the runaway hit of christmas)
— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) January 9, 2021
me: more fairy tales? I could put frog and toad on there?
3yo: I would like music by rihanna
11.
My 6yo daughter asked me if my 3yo son came out of my tummy because he’s a:
— Urzila Carlson (@UrzilaCarlson) December 17, 2019
”cheeky little fatty like you mama”
I’m currently reassessing her Christmas gift! #BothCheeky
12.
I think Elf on the Shelf has backfired. 4yo has asked me to stop Christmas. Because he’d rather have no Christmas than have to behave for the next 21 days.
— Boy Mom Life (@Heatherheiser2) December 3, 2018
13.
My husband had to break the news to our 4yo that he isn't getting a baby sister for Christmas. Today his preschool teacher told me that he said he's asking Santa for "a new daddy who will give me a baby sister"
— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) December 18, 2018
14.
Only 19 more days of my 4yo asking me everyday, ‘is Christmas tomorrow?’
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 6, 2021
15.
*Listening to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree*
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) November 17, 2022
My 5yo: What is fuckin' pie? "Later we'll have some fuckin' pie?"
Husband: PUMPKIN pie
16.
My 5yo daughter presented me with her Christmas list. I asked if she’d like to go over it to make sure I understood it. She declined because, “Santa will know.” But, I have doubts. pic.twitter.com/gfY4rIVXan
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) December 2, 2020
17.
5yo: I've brought something for you for Christmas.
— Phil Robertson (@HTPhilRobertson) December 18, 2021
Mum: ooh what is it?
5yo: it's a secret.
Mum: well that's lovely!
5yo: it smells of strawberry and it's a candle.
18.
Our 3yo is drowning a toy Santa in a toddler potty and I’m wondering if the Grinch started out this way too.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 21, 2019
19.
My toddler has taken Santa’s “Ho ho ho!” and instead wanders around the house saying “ha ha ha!” And it’s a much more diabolical Christmas season.
— Daisy (@Daisyldoo) December 5, 2021
20.
I’m so glad Santa brought my toddler all those new Christmas toys so he can carry around one old dirty croc as his prized possession
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 7, 2022
21.
My toddler is terrified of Santa (???) so we sat down this afternoon and wrote A Very Important Letter. pic.twitter.com/DuOschti3E
— Sophie Beer - 'Welcome, Little One' out NOW! (@sophiebeerdraws) November 17, 2023
22.
3yo just told me how excited he is about his “surprise” from Santa. Then he told me what surprise he asked Santa for. Santa doesn’t recall this request and has a concern about lead times now
— Ciarán Halpin (@cihalpin) December 17, 2021
23.
My 4yo: Daddy, I thought Santa gave birth to Jesus
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) November 23, 2021
Husband: No one really knows for sure
Me: pic.twitter.com/h90ARisOV5
24.
3yo found a book of Xmas carols but can’t read so she’s just flipping through each page singing “O, JESUS is coming to SEE YOU!!!!”
— 🥕Haley Stewart🥕 (@HaleyCarrots) December 6, 2021
25.
Shoutout to my toddler for having a full on diaper blowout at my company’s Christmas party dinner tonight. Amazing comedic timing.
— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) December 11, 2022
26.
My toddler has a Velcro Christmas tree with felt baubles. And now I am the Christmas tree 🎄 pic.twitter.com/oF5bhvPe4n
— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) December 4, 2021
27.
My 5yo daughter didn’t want to take the Christmas tree down.
— Pamela J. Hobart (@amelapay) January 14, 2023
Turns out she had quite a stash hidden back there in the adjacent bookcase:
Cake frosting, hard candies, half a pound of sprinkles, a cookies & cream protein bar
28.
Parenting: I wrote the tag on "Santa's" presents with my left hand so my child would not recognize them.
— Ekow N. Yankah (@ekownyankah) December 25, 2019
My wife points out that the 3 year old cannot read.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.
29.
My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022