Oh to be five years old again – an age of abundant self-confidence; many, many questions; and an intense need to be heard and listened to AT ALL TIMES (which is fair enough, really).
Parents and caregivers have been sharing exactly what it’s like to be in the presence of such greatness – and needless to say, the results are pretty hilarious. And also sometimes, well, brutal.
In our honest opinion, five-year-olds should definitely be put in charge of everything everywhere.
Just discovered that my 5yo thinks the lyrics are "apple button jeans, boots with the brrr" and then he does a little shiver— meghan (@deloisivete) November 14, 2023
You know you're too heavy. You will break that.— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 14, 2023
-my 5yo giving me a complex.
Just spent the last several minutes talking my 5yo out of a temporary face tattoo. A nice little glimpse into the future.— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 12, 2023
My 5yo just asked me where the sun came from. Uh… 😳🙃😅🧐— Alli Girl 💁🏼♀️ (@AlliAlliG) November 9, 2023
Thoughts and prayers for my 5yo who’s distraught because the hoodie he wants to wear has a hood— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 13, 2022
My 5yo asked me to show him how high I can jump in case you’re wondering why I’ll be limping tomorrow.— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 7, 2023
A chat with my 5yo grandson went from bathroom wipes to the age of our houses to the fact that he was inside his mom's womb to his asking, "But how did the first people get here?" and then catapulting into "How did the whole universe get here?"— Penny Walker (@Auntpeso) November 13, 2023
Whew, I was not prepared for that.
My 5yo told me he loves me more than dinosaurs, but he's not sure between Godzilla and me, so guess I'll count that as a win— meghan (@deloisivete) November 13, 2023
This morning my 5yo gave me "prizes" -- anything I want in the whole house! -- for doing the following things:— Jeremy, Collector of Parks (@JeremyWingert79) November 14, 2023
~ Frying myself 2 eggs (delicious)
~ "Guessing" what she was doing (a puzzle)
~ Putting honey and eggs on my toast (I guess she just appreciates breakfast innovation)
My 5yo keeps loudly informing people we paid "𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙍𝙏𝙔 𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘿𝙊𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙍𝙎 and 99 cents" for our Christmas tree.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) November 26, 2022
We did not.
My 5yo asked me to come to her “restaurant.” Thought we were playing pretend. I got the special & ate the best make believe sandwich. She told me it was 1 dollar. I went to hand her my invisible $$$ & baby girl said, “no go get me some real cash”— Eunique Jones Gibson (@eunique) November 12, 2021
I wanna speak to the manager 😩
We visited my dad at the care home and my 5yo asked one of the residents her name. She said she didn’t know so he said “I’ll call you Stella, I like that name and you can be my best friend”. 5 carried on chatting and his new best friend didn’t stop smiling— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 31, 2022
Asked my 5yo if she wanted a pic with Santa. She laughed and said she is not into pics with “random dudes.”— Megan Gaucher (@GaucherMeg) December 11, 2021
We’re talking to my 5yo about her upcoming baptism, and as my husband mentions Jesus, she pipes up and shouts, “HE’S A ZOMBIE!”— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) November 18, 2022
I fear this baptism won’t take.
Took my girls to see Little Mermaid.— Stacy Buxton Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) May 28, 2023
When King Trident realizes Ariel is gone and says, “What have I done?” my 5yo said, at top volume in a silent theatre, “You didn’t do anything, that girl just don’t listen!”
Meanwhile, during my children's baptism into the Catholic church ...— Mary Morris (@mary_loquacious) November 7, 2022
Priest: Do you renounce Satan and all his works?
My 5yo son: *scrunching up his face* Sometimes.
5yo; “Mommy, I think when I grow up, I might change my name to a grownup name because my name is a little kid’s name. Maybe I’ll use my middle name. My name is such a baby name! I want a grown up name when I’m a grown up.”— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) May 3, 2023
Reader, his name is HARVEY.
Interviewer: Why is there a 6-month gap in your resume?— The Dad (@thedad) November 10, 2022
Me: My 5yo was telling a story
There is a petite, blonde 5yo in my yard with her hands on her hips, yelling at my 7- and 10-yo boys to BE AFRAID OF ME BECAUSE I AM A WOLF!!!! and I have decided this is the energy I am taking into the week— Anna Birch - buy I KISSED ALICE in paperback! (@Almost_Anna) September 12, 2021
My 5yo just calmly explained to me that it’s not really working out with his 3yo brother like he can request a refund.— MDJ | Danielle Jones, MD, FACOG (@MamaDoctorJones) June 9, 2022
As I was lovingly tucking in my 5yo, I told her I loved her and she responded with, “You’ve been a great mommy….so far.”— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) June 24, 2022
My 5yo just climbed on my lap and said, “Momma, what if we’re all toys and there are invisible people playing with us?” 💀— Amy S. Choi ⁷ (@awesomechoi) December 6, 2020
My 5yo was looking at a draft I'm working on.— Andrew Wehrman (@ProfWehrman) January 1, 2020
5yo: What are these little numbers?
Me: Those are footnotes. They're numbered, so you can get extra information by finding the number below.
5yo: You should just draw a big arrow to that stuff in case people don't know numbers yet
My 5yo coming out of the kitchen and screaming "I NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO MY STORY!" is really just all of us.— Rachel Wecht (@rachelwecht) September 3, 2019