The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform might be rebranding to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
RIP to whoever is about to receive the literal wall of text currently being drafted by the person sitting in front of me on the train. It begins with “my feelings on our situation have not changed,” so godspeed
— c e aubin? 🍯 (@ceaubin) August 16, 2023
me rising from my edible coma to ask the flight attendant for a ginger ale in a clear, considerate voice that conveys gratefulness and respect pic.twitter.com/9TnDg9uZ5O
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 15, 2023
it happened to me: i finally answered an email i had been putting off & the person responded right away & now i'm back to square one
— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) August 14, 2023
in a weird place mentally. i hope sitting inside for the next 48 hours fixes it
— chase (@_chase_____) August 13, 2023
“your password isn’t strong enough” kind of rude to say that right in front of him but ok
— trash jones (@jzux) August 17, 2023
One thing nobody tells you about adulthood is how much time you’ll spend waiting to see what’s happening in Fulton county
— Emily 🗣️ Tamkin (@emilyctamkin) August 15, 2023
RIP Jane Austen. You would have loved the ability to Zillow someone's house.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) August 15, 2023
when i was in school i was doing my french speaking exam and i started crying cause i literally couldn't do it and my french teacher said 'it's okay you're not the worst, the girl before you answered the questions in english with a french accent' and i could not breathe omg
— hazel (@hazelrosedee) August 16, 2023
when my gen z friends introduce me pic.twitter.com/H5zm3Ml3oC
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) August 14, 2023
Lmaoo my barista asked me what my shirt was and I said Taylor Swift and then he asked me if I went to the concert and what era I dressed as, and when I said Fearless he said “I don’t know what that is, I just know that’s a question you should ask” ahxjwnsnskskjabsjaksjan adorable
— Cristina 🍣 (@TheBookofTaylor) August 15, 2023
Oh you’re running a marathon? What are you running from?? your FEELINGS?????
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 15, 2023
kids these days will never know what it’s like to have another scorcher with tomorrow being even hotter and ur husband says he’ll call sears and u mention that he said that yesterday and tell him to call now. so he calls now
— helen (@helen) August 17, 2023
HBO shows are always like ohhhh a beautiful ginger woman. Let’s put her through unimaginable torment
— Mar1anne (@SZSPIRIA) August 12, 2023
I'm just at that point where I don't even care if I get canceled anymore and I'm just gonna fucking say it. I think arugula tastes weird. It's weird for lettuce to be spicy.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) August 14, 2023
if my name was Steve I would say “good Stevening” every night
— Kate here (@Kateness8) August 16, 2023
Rich folks I dog sit for have switched to Hulu with ads. The recession is here beloved
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) August 13, 2023
i dated someone who was like "i dont care if we breakup, hate each other and never speak again, if theres one thing you take from me it should be: never go to a chiropractor, i mean that" https://t.co/7yRaEopBTb
— ashley ray (@theashleyray) August 15, 2023
When I go to a restaurant's IG page, I don't need to see close-up shot after close-up shot of delicious foods. Congratulations. I'm checking for vibe and the availability of comfortable seating.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 16, 2023
msnbc had the opportunity to have the funniest possible guest and they took it pic.twitter.com/8ALPxTigMe
— Annie Wu (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) August 15, 2023
when I was in college I took Intro to Philosophy with this guy named Elliot who was often surrounded by girls, and like three weeks into the term the prof asked if they were enrolled in the course and Elliot, clarifying, said "no they are my guests"
— Kaitlin Ruiz (@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz) August 16, 2023
i always do “irish hellos” which is where i arrive at parties without anyone noticing and it hurts my feelings
— chase (@_chase_____) August 15, 2023
one time this guy asked me out to ice cream. and so we went and I ordered my ice cream. and he didn’t get anything. “I don’t like ice cream,” he said. so we sat outside and I ate ice cream as he sat and watched. this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. maybe to anyone
— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) August 16, 2023
Clothing: hand wash only
— Meredith Ireland (@MeredithIreland) August 15, 2023
Me, tossing it into the washer: may the odds be ever in your favor
just remembered that there was a time when at this point in august i’d be going back to school shopping at the mall with my mom pic.twitter.com/HWUn7CYiOs
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) August 15, 2023
being in your twenties means you meet the four horsemen of the apocalypse every night after 11pm: fear of failure, fear of lost potential, fear of incompetence, fear of loneliness
— cam! 🐍 瑷薇 (if I'm here tell me to write) 30.4/60k (@camiscribbles) August 15, 2023
went to the beach today and i was showing a 5 year old girl how to tell if crabs are male or female and she had picked up two male crabs and she very gently made them “kiss” and then she looked at me and went “they’re gay :)”
— sarah (@tinygreenbug) August 16, 2023
rip dracula u would have loved going down a water slide flat on your back arms crossed over your chest
— is that keri? (@itiskeri) August 16, 2023
Australian Nobu be like pic.twitter.com/yEzFXQ1yXl
— potato bun (@erewhonsmoothie) August 15, 2023
obsessed with my dog. I spilled soup on the ottoman like a year ago and she got to lick some of it up, now sometimes i’ll walk into the living room and she is licking the ottoman just in case there’s soup on it again, magically
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) August 17, 2023
every time anya taylor-joy does a movie that isnt a period piece a fairy loses its wings
— empress sissi (@historicalfits) August 16, 2023
Him: The dog is snoring really loud lately.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 16, 2023
Me: Maybe we should get her a CPUP machine.
Him: …
Me: Shut up that was good.
Thank you Milwaukee airport for accurately naming that place right after you get through security. pic.twitter.com/EcMsIDMXxQ
— Kim Severson (@kimseverson) August 17, 2023
Today at my office I ran into a guy with a service dog getting off the elevator, and the dog beelined STRAIGHT to my side.
— Alyssa Leader (@alittleleader) August 17, 2023
Me: Oh, he’s so sweet!!! Can he tell if people are stressed?
Person: He’s a PTSD dog.
Me: 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
i just need to make a ton of major life changes and i'll be fine
— tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa) August 14, 2023