The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Feb. 24-Mar. 1)

"(Seconds before getting raptured) okay so phone, keys, wallet"

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humoUr lives on.

Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

*falls through the roof of a French bakery*

Help, I’m in so much pain

— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) February 28, 2024

anyone surprised by this was never a girl in 8th grade https://t.co/aZq5Ec6NbD

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 28, 2024

Happy to announce I’ve decided to turn my life around and will be changing all of my day to day habits this week. It will work and I will not fail, it is easy to do this kind of thing

— Natalie (@jbfan911) February 26, 2024

Being quadruplets AND born on the 29th of February feels extremely attention seeking https://t.co/TpeRBQDG6S

— rachel (@rachelnufc_) February 29, 2024

check in with your friends but also don’t forget to check in on your enemies. make sure they’re doing bad

— trash jones (@jzux) February 28, 2024

what could monday possibly mean to a cat with no job and endless lasagna.

— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) February 25, 2024

If no one is around or? https://t.co/phdL49FNz6

— ♡P𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚢♡ (@its_Phidy) February 28, 2024

my media law professor explaining defamation: https://t.co/geY0EQNPrx

— Maya Tribbitt (@MayaTribbitt) February 29, 2024

Why is the super bowl/puppy bowl the only people event we do with pets on tv? Let's expand out. Give me housewives but with all basset hounds. Let guinea pigs give out Oscars. Have a large cat host the Tonight Show.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) February 29, 2024

Does Wes Anderson know about this? https://t.co/74akXqUJnp

— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) February 26, 2024

Straight friend: Will you sensitivity read my book for my lesbian best friend character?

Me, two weeks later: The lesbian best friend is absolutely perfect. Here's 16 pages of notes detailing the incorrect things you said about Star Trek.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) February 26, 2024

i'd be sooooo pissed if i were a bee and someone took all my hard-earned honey and put it in a container shaped like a bear. a bear is my enemy. you mock me.

— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 26, 2024

no matter how small you try to make that “unsubscribe” at the bottom of an email, I WILL FIND IT pic.twitter.com/iALlE1uCYM

— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) February 25, 2024

I can’t believe we’re all just not talking about the years of your life where 3+ people you know get married every summer and you’re out 5k

— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) February 27, 2024

February is like our junk drawer. Got an extra “r” you really don’t need? Throw it in there. An extra day? Toss it into February. Whatever.

— Marly (@VerbsRProudest) February 27, 2024

all in a hard day’s work https://t.co/rsLAM1GzxV pic.twitter.com/O4AF3VgJNd

— holly (@hollhob) February 25, 2024

I’m going to need whatever pills they were giving housewives in the 1950s that kept them simultaneously energetic and completely unbothered by anything at all.

— Claire Zagorski, MSc, LP (@clairezagorski) February 28, 2024

it’s soooooo important to give up on the day immediately after consuming lunch

— lana del slay (@lanadelslayee) February 26, 2024

I’ve been away this week and got back to a nice clean house, husband and dogs all fine, everything looked ok and as it was when I left…
until I went for a shower and pulled the curtain across… 🤔😂 pic.twitter.com/BDqVyVWkxp

— Kate North (@katephillips29) February 24, 2024

you guys ever noticed that leaving the house costs 40 dollars now

— Lucy (@LucyXIV) February 29, 2024

imagine trying to explain to Alexander Graham Bell that in the future people have a problem with “staring at their phones all day”

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 27, 2024

Kate Middleton hasn’t been seen for about 2 months now pic.twitter.com/NN1GqBD6PD

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) February 27, 2024

My daddy just asked me if his Uber app would work in Florida bc he downloaded it in Detroit……..please stop talking to me.

— Tay-K 🔫 (@ohthatsmayo) February 24, 2024

About once a week I remember the scene in the movie “The Boy Next Door”
where JLO is gifted, according to her, a “signed first edition of The Iliad” pic.twitter.com/8L5Tbyn9oI

— Frances Klein (@fklein907) February 24, 2024

Yessss! I love to see women in male-dominated fields! https://t.co/pal85WKits

— bridget (@bridget_eke) February 27, 2024

(Seconds before getting raptured) okay so phone, keys, wallet

— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) February 26, 2024

looking up from the computer at my local coffee shop and FROG AND TOAD ARE HERE pic.twitter.com/nlqof7JNVf

— Rachel Lapides (@rachellapides) February 24, 2024

it is 1424. we live in hovels and discuss the fate of the princess. meat is too expensive.

it is 1724. we live in hovels and discuss the fate of the princess. meat is too expensive.

it is 2024. we live in hovels and discuss the fate of the princess. meat is too expensive.

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) February 29, 2024
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