The Hilarious, Chaotic Reality Of Bedtime With 2-Year-Olds

Bedtime for parents of toddlers can be a real rollercoaster. One minute your child is sitting sweetly on your lap while you read them a story, the next they’re laying face down on the floor squealing because they’ve turned into a jellyfish and therefore cannot possibly get into bed.

The diversion tactics are, admittedly, admirable for ones so young.

If you’re the parent of a two-year-old who becomes an absolute hell bat around bedtime (or maybe they just pile on the love-fest so they can eek out being out of their cot for a little longer) sift through these posts on X (formerly Twitter) and bask in the knowledge that you’re certainly not alone.

1.

Reason #678 bedtime is taking too long:

2yo insists the only way to open her bedroom door is to use her eyebrows.
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) November 10, 2020

2.

Toddler's latest attempt to prolong bedtime.
2yo: Mummy!
Me: It's bedtime now, sweetie.
2yo: Mummy! MUMMY! I need to ask you something!
Me: What is it?
2yo: Do sharks have hands?
— Allegra Chapman 💙 (@Allegra_Chapman) April 1, 2021

3.

Bedtime for 2yo took over 2 hours. Now I'm exhausted and haven't eaten dinner yet.... Oh and everybody else in the house is asleep now too.
— emmett naughton (@EmmettNaughton) May 26, 2023

4.

It was a long day and my temper was short, but I vowed not raise my voice at the kids all evening.

I made it to bedtime, and put our 2yo into his pjs.

As I did, he laid his sweet little head on my shoulder.

And he bit me.

Hard.

Well, there's always tomorrow.#parenting
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) September 5, 2018

5.

Me: Okay sweetie, it’s bedtime

2yo: Why is bedtime?

Me: Because it’s almost nighttime

2: Why is nighttime?

Me: Because the sun is going to bed

2: Why sun go to bed?

Me: Because it’s tired, I’m tired, everybody’s tired

2: Why you tired?

Me: No more questions now

2: Why? pic.twitter.com/N8fFWAROto
— Erin 🌻 (@probabel) May 11, 2023

6.

Me 12 hours of the day: Play nicely with your toys
2yo: no 😌 TV? 🥺

Me at bedtime: Time to get ready for bed
2yo: hang on, Ma, I'm mesmerized by this wooden zoo maze I have not touched in the last fortnight and must now explore every atom of its surface or perish in the attempt
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) December 19, 2022

7.

Tonight before bedtime, 2yo finally used the toilet (he’s been doing it for a while at school). While I was getting him a pull-up and pajamas, he ran around naked, telling 6yo to “feast your eyes” while shaking his booty. He then asked me why I “have a line between the eyebrows.”
— Natalie (@NChardonnet) September 19, 2018

8.

2yo's bedtime routine tonight involved me telling him the names and colors of approximately fifty different cats, and for each one he would say "oh I like that cat! I want to hold that cat!"
— EHyde (@fallenwithstyle) January 26, 2021

9.

It's bedtime.
The 2yo has no respect for this custom.
He is using the furniture as a sound stage and is performing an energetic and mostly naked routine to his own composition of a medley of songs from Mary Poppins.
I can feel myself aging.
Have kids they said. It'll be fun.
— Roxanne Vella (@DSM_standingby) February 2, 2019

10.

scene: 1 hr past bedtime. 2yo sits on the potty, swinging a wipe wildly above her head.

me: i’m not impressed. it’s time for night nights.

2yo: but i’m impressed.

me: ...

2yo: what does “impressed” mean?#dadlife #happeningnow
— Jeremy Goulder (@haikugoo) September 29, 2018

11.

2yo bedtime delay tactics have reached a new level. Asks me to lie down with him because he “just likes me so much.” Every minute or so, he leans up to give me a kiss. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in my ear.
— Abby Mullen (@abbymullen) September 6, 2018

12.

Parenting is all about those little tender moments with your child. Like tonight when I went to give my 2yo a bedtime kiss & she palmed me in the face & bellowed LEAVE ME like a feudal lord
— Megan Rosenbloom 📚 (@LibraryatNight) June 20, 2019

13.

Had a conversation with a 2.5 year old and her mom today.
Mom: And sometimes we sing songs at bedtime
Me to the toddler: Oh, what songs do you sing at bedtime?
Toddler: Drink the water or I’m taking it away
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) September 4, 2022

14.

Toddler bedtime is like if you had a job where you did a 13 hr shift every day and at the end of it you had to get car keys away from a drunk in order to clock out
— Rosalie Knecht (@RosalieKnecht) February 15, 2022

15.

I’m at the point in parenthood where my toddler’s entire bedtime routine has been turned into a song. I got the pajama song, the toothbrush song, the “no you can’t have another ritz cracker” song. I’m like Marry Poppins except instead of an umbrella I have a box full of cheerios.
— Clint Smith (@ClintSmithIII) March 5, 2019

16.

We are really getting into the meat of the toddler bedtime stalling tactics. I just kissed a lot of construction vehicles goodnight
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) April 10, 2021

17.

Nobody:

My toddler at bedtime: https://t.co/Bjf1SFZhRG
— D’Najha (@droastaa) October 12, 2023

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