Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch.
Something that is so funny is my baby did not know my first name until I taught it to her last night. We’ve known each other almost 2 yrs
— Erin Somers (@SomersErin) June 26, 2023
i hated what my teen was wearing today so i told him i loved it and it looked "dripping bruh". he changed. follow me for more parenting advice
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 26, 2023
The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 25, 2023
My 13yo wants a hamster and we told her she needs to prove she’s responsible first so we just keep saying things like “someone who wants a hamster doesn’t leave their plate at the dinner table” and I think we might keep this going until she’s 23
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 24, 2023
A cool thing about having kids is that you now constantly have rocks in your house. What’s that on your nightstand? A rock. What’s in the couch cushion? A rock. What’s that in the bathroom sink? You’ll never guess.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) June 29, 2023
My wife: the kids and I want to know if there’s any way you’ll ever go camping.
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) June 26, 2023
My any way I’ll ever go camping: pic.twitter.com/9QF8eT2DWr
My kid made a new friend at the park but couldn't remember his name, so I asked if it was Jackson, and reader, I was right
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 28, 2023
Lately when my kids have something to tell me they say “Hear this!” They grow up so fast, like one day they’re a baby and the next day they’re an 18th century town crier.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 24, 2023
My 3yo thinks my name is Babylove because that’s what my husband calls me 😂
— Meghana Chalasani, MD (@MChalasani) June 27, 2023
My son saw his medicine said shake well before using so he shook his whole body and damn that apple never even fell from the tree.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 28, 2023
5: Dad, I'm hungry, I want breakfast!
— Big, Bad Caffeinated Dad 🇳🇿 ☕ (@Cafeinated_Dad) June 24, 2023
Me: Ok, we have cornflakes and I made banana bread, what do you want?
5: Chicken
If you want to know what it’s like to be a toddler mom, imagine having roommates who cry every time you go to the bathroom unless you let them join you.
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) June 30, 2023
If by hot mom summer you mean me sweating my ass off setting up stuff in the yard for my kids to play with for 12 minutes before getting bored then yes, I am hot af.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) June 24, 2023
my 8yo’s friend came over wearing a Guns-n-Roses t-shirt
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 26, 2023
me: cool shirt, one of my favorite bands when I was younger
him: yeah it’s my grandma’s favorite band
How long do you wait at the airport arrivals, before bringing home another family!?
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 24, 2023
I’m not sure I drank 5 glasses of water my whole childhood but I’m sitting here watching my 4yo drink LaCroix with frozen strawberries out of a tiny wine goblet while she watches cartoons.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) June 24, 2023
People were able to defend the Alamo for 13 days. My toddler woke up at 6 and by 6:15 she was eating a popsicle.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 28, 2023
Just when you think you finally understand your kid he says “let’s do a high five, but in Spanish.”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 25, 2023
We have 25 people coming over tomorrow for a bbq. 6 moms. 6 dads. 13 toddlers under the age of 4. My husband said if I took our girls out today that he’d ‘get the house ready.’ What did he clean in the 2 hours we were gone? The top of the fridge. He cleans the TOP OF THE FRIDGE.
— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) June 25, 2023
my children, who complain my cooking is too spicy, love flaming hot cheetos
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) June 24, 2023
make it make sense
There was a hostage situation at my daughter’s 3 hour dance recital. It was me, I was held hostage.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 27, 2023