14 Hilariously Useless Goals You Should Have Achieved By Age 35

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When someone offers unsolicited, unhelpful advice to the masses, you can rely on Twitter users to provide the perfect response.

In May 2018 a money saving expert claimed you should have savings worth twice the size of your annual salary by the time you’re 35, to which a lot of us replied: “On what planet is that possible?”

But now people are sharing the other goals you should aim for by the time you hit the milestone, and let’s just say they’re a lot more attainable.

Most on Twitter have focused on the impressive hoarding ability we hone throughout our late twenties and early thirties:

By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones
— Lori G 🌸 (@LoriG) May 19, 2018

By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.
— Nutella Enchanted (@chrisopotamia) May 20, 2018

by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags
— vytas (@peakysblinder) May 20, 2018

By age 35 you should have a junk drawer filled with USB flash drives you’re reluctant to throw out because you don’t know what’s on them but are reluctant to plug in because... you don’t know what’s on them
— aloria 🦔 (@aloria) May 20, 2018

By age 35, you should have hoarded more books than any human could possibly read in three lifetimes, retirement experts say.
— Thomas Pluck (@thomaspluck) May 18, 2018

By age 35, you should have a big bag of socks that have no matches that you are afraid to throw even one of them away because as soon as you do, you'll run into its match.
— AGirlHasNoPresident except T'ChObama (@kamtheleo) May 19, 2018

Others have pointed out the life skills we could do with dedicating some time to:

By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
— Jon "Jon Baker" Baker (@JonBaker) May 20, 2018

By age 35 you should have learned to only write down the tasks and goals you’ve already accomplished so you can pretend everything is going just wonderfully.
— Patrick Nathan (@patricknathan) May 17, 2018

And some pointed out how we’re all too busy to get anything done by 35:

By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018

By age 35 you should have a huge library of video games but no time to play them.
— Liz Katz (@LizKatzOfficial) May 21, 2018

By age 35, you should have at least 150 tabs open with articles you're GOING to read, you SWEAR, but you just don't have the time right now and you'll get to it as soon a—
— Quantian📉 (@quantian1) May 20, 2018

By age 35 you should have 100k emails in your Gmail inbox, most of which are useless, but when you're 35 who has time to clean that shit up?
— Aaron SanFilippo (@AeornFlippout) May 20, 2018

While this academic got painfully philosophical:

By age 35 you should have approximately 10 times the existential dread you had when you graduated high school.
— Greg Hillis (@gregorykhillis) May 20, 2018

Overall though, this has to be the best response.

By age 35 you should stop paying attention to condescending life advice from strangers writing think pieces.
— Hipster Viking Amy (@lasrina) May 19, 2018

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