Ah, the work Christmas party. You either force yourself to stay sensible and control your drinking so you don’t make a fool of yourself in front of your boss – or you make a fool of yourself in front of your boss.
We asked people to share their worst Christmas party experiences – anonymously, for reasons that will quickly become apparent – so whether you’ve already had yours or it’s coming up, take comfort in the fact that the stories the morning after probably won’t be as outrageous as these. (Or maybe they will...) Featuring sex, booze, hospitals, more booze, black eyes, booze, and well, booze.
And if you’re feeling as bad as this lot probably were the morning after, here’s our definitive run down of the best hangover breakfasts on the High Street.
The One With The Boss’s Coat
“I’d had an excellent evening, it was about 11pm and I was super drunk so I decided to leave. I saw a coat which I thought was mine, took it and set off to catch the bus. It turned out the coat belonged to the CEO and had his phone, wallet and house keys in the pocket. Whilst waiting for the bus, I drunkenly passed out and ended up in A&E – where I also left my boss’ coat. I woke the following morning with no memory of any of this. Luckily, someone else from the party had ended up in the same hospital, saw me leave the coat and managed to save it and return it to my boss later that day. And no, I didn’t get fired – thankfully.”
The One With The Proclamation Of Love
“A friend was in love with one of her senior colleagues, who had shown no sign of liking her back. At last year’s Christmas party, she was REALLY drunk and plucked up the courage to tell him, saying: ‘I’m really nervous to tell you this, I know this might be a shock but I’m in love with you.’
“He replied: ‘I know, you told me at last year’s Christmas party.’”
The One With The Black Eye
“I once got so drunk at a work Christmas do that I vommed in the hallway at home, then fell face-first into the bath and gave myself a black eye... which I then had for a job interview two days later. I also had the waiter’s phone number in my pocket when I woke up. I didn’t call him.”
The One With The Truck
“I don’t actually remember what happened, so my story is based on what colleagues told me – and continue to tell me. I boasted to my boss that I could do 10 shots of vodka in a row, taught the secretary how to “slut drop”, told the colleague no one likes that no one liked her, and woke up at 3am in the open back part of a truck with absolutely no recollection of what happened. I then took a selfie of myself in said truck to later prove why I was late to work. Yes, I do still have that selfie.”
The One That Went Fifty Shades Style
“I drunkenly ended up with the boss (that turned into a two-year Fifty Shades-style thing). The other boss, meanwhile, had booked a hotel room for me because I lived far away – it had an adjoining door to the room we were in, and he came in topless the next day; he was like 60.”
The One With The CEO Decorations
“I felt slightly uncomfortable at my first Christmas party so what do you do when you feel uncomfortable? Drink. And boy did I drink. I remember sitting in a quiet bar near the end of the night telling people exactly what I thought of them. I told one lady I thought she was a brown-nosing so-and-so. I then remember being in the hotel room with all our other colleagues and our CEO. I was dressing him up like a Christmas tree; I think I had stolen all the Christmas decorations from the hotel to do this. I woke up about 4am spooning another staff member, with people scattered everywhere in a hotel room. I spent the day having flashbacks not knowing which were real.”
The One With The Tears
“I cried my eyes out hysterically and told everyone I didn’t like working there, that I had no friends and that my old job was much better. They were all so sweet trying to console me whilst my friend and colleague (who was also from the former job) just howled with laughter.”
The One Which Ended Up In A Garage
“Two words to chill the blood: FREE BAR. I sat between the CEO and his wife during a meal. At one point, I was holding a bottle of red wine, with two bottles of Sol under one arm. Everything that happened after that is a bit of a blur. I don’t remember leaving, don’t remember saying goodbye. My next memory is looking for a tube stop. Before long I saw a garage with the door slightly raised. I got on my hands and knees and crawled underneath, then lay down beside the car inside and attempted to go to sleep. I had a drunken brainwave and called my housemate who got me an Uber. My next memory is waking up in my bed feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life.
“I didn’t go this year.”
The One With The Fight
“We had a good fight (about 30 people) at the bar and grill that our party was hosted at. Then my manager vommed and passed out – and someone stole his Gucci belt.”