05/09/2013 13:47 BST | Updated 05/11/2013 05:12 GMT

I'm the Chattiest Person in the World... Until You Get Me in a Gym

So, I took up the gym last week. Mainly because I had put on weight, but equally so I could continue my life eating what I had now become accustomed to, although I'm not entirely sure it works that way.

As I push towards 29, it ALL gets harder. When I was 18, I could visit every fast food restaurant there was ever invented within the space of eight hours, then just think about the inside of a gym the next day and lose what I had put on. Not so much now. I'm actually certain I came out fatter this morning when I left the gym, like genuinely a size bigger. I wobbled.

So, today at my 'I'll try to manage 20 minutes cardio' gym session, I noticed the "Spin Girls" chatting. Not polite 'hellos', but full on 'wailing with laughter' gassing. I left the changing room and went into the gym, and there I was faced with two blokes, stood in the middle of the gym, once again having a lovely chit chat. I kept my greasy, unwashed head down and dashed to the "women's only part" and got my "I'll try to manage 15 minutes of cardio" on. Then, an even stranger thing happened. A woman actually tried to "chit chat" with me? I looked around, bemused. Had I walked into the wrong place? Was this an AA meeting? Was I meant to talk back? Feign interest? Physically reply?

Surely not.

We are after all A.) British, B.) Sweaty and... C.) Were in a pissing gym!

It reminds me of the last time I joined a gym and a guy actually chatted me up. I kid you not. I was so bewildered by it; I think I walked off mid-attempt. I am not one of those gym lovelies with all the right 'get up'. I don't have the sexy leggings, proper socks, a tight pink Nike top, or a full face of make-up with a "its ok to talk to me" eyelash flutter. There is nothing in my look that suggests I even have people in my life to talk to.

I wear holey leggings, odd socks, one of my boyfriends oversized t-shirts, and I can safely say I don't introduce my hair to a brush let alone my face to anything.

So, people. Think about this next time you are getting your grind on in the gym and see someone doing her '10 minutes of daily cardio'. Don't head over and think she wants to know what you have to say, because (and if I may speak for all scruffy, sweaty girls in the gym of the world) we certainly don't.

PS: Online, is however a different matter. Come say 'oi' on Twitter, anytime.