May and April Jottings

April Fools - the LibDems believe themselves a serious force in British politics.

Another underpants bomb - bloody nuts.

The UN Security Council - paralysed by the stench of corpses piled at its door.

If God created Man in His own image - there is a fair chance He's morbidly obese.

Greeks reject austerity - well, they did invent tragi-comedy.

France goes socialist - bye bye France.

Pakistan - a failing state soon to turn rogue.

Where once European leaders chased the euro funeral cortege - now they're falling in its grave.

Modern politicians believe in nothing - so few believe in them.

Tehran will never abandon nuclear weaponisation - unless its bluff is called and its bunkers are busted.

Jubilee - where we give thanks we don't have a presidency.

Plans to vote in mayors, peers and police commissioners - same crap spread over more channels.

The Oxford-Cambridge boat race disrupted - a single-issue fanatic showing the inadequacies in himself rather than the system.

More shootings on an American university campus - attrition seems to be part of their syllabus.

Democracy gains a toehold in Burma - a small step for man, a giant leap for monks.

Collective nouns - a parliament of owls, a murder of crows, an arsewipe of politicians.

Collective nouns - a pod of whales, an ambush of cheetah, a failure of social workers.

British MPs are compulsively eating pasties - at least it shuts them up.

Students - lousy food, poor housing, terrible job prospects...happy days.

Education used to be a way out of the ghetto - state education ensures you stay there.

Private education - because state education is dreadful.

Teachers plan an autumn of strikes - that should improve literacy and learning..

Pubs, dogs, irreverence - three reasons why many British Moslems find it difficult to integrate.

Argentina pledges an eternal fight to regain the Falklands - eternity is how long it'll have to wait.

I have a dream - that one day not every girl and boy in Wales and Scotland will want to become a care worker or classroom assistant.

Holidays - where you go to watch families attempt dinner-table conversation for the first time.

Spiders from Mars - the Millibands.

Ed Balls - what's in a name...

Lightning never strikes the same place twice - sadly dog shit often does.

The Respect Party - so why am I so contemptuous?

A solution to national health funding - get the drunks and fatties to pay for themselves.

One in five British children are deemed special needs - maybe some are just stupid.

LibDems - soft-left, soft-soap, soft-headed.

April Fools - the LibDems believe themselves a serious force in British politics.


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