The brutally honest and real guide to mending a broken heart.
Having gone through a pretty horrific break up during my second year at University, I finally got the hang of this 'getting over it' business and for a romantic like myself, it wasn't something that came naturally to my marshmallow heart. After months of hardcore break downs, embarrassingly sobbing in nightclubs (sometimes more dramatically on the bus or in the shower) lengthy chats with family and friends, and approximately 32 bottles of wine later, I am here to share my advice on how to power through university life with heartbreak, what worked for me and how I got well and truly over it. * Cue the hair flick. *
Be better, not bitter-
So of course, I showed a Facebook picture of his new squeeze to my friends and I waited for the automatic responses from them, instantly they spoke the words I wanted to hear, "Oh Jess you are so much prettier than her" All the clichés came out, she's fat, she's ugly etc. Now I'm no saint, but what good is bitching about this girl going to do? In the mist of him breaking up with me and getting together with her, I evidently did one or maybe ten Twitter stalking sessions and found myself accidently laughing along with some of her humorous tweets and regretfully started to warm to her. I'm a girls' girl and from appearances, we could probably get along and go for a drink if she wasn't with my ex. As much as I wanted to believe that this girl was a home wrecking ugly skank, the truth is, we could probably be mates. Like I joked to my ex, "I'm sure she's a nice girl, you've had good taste in girls before." Being bitter doesn't help anything, so steer clear of bitching sessions, because whether the newbie is thin, fat, blonde, dark, it doesn't change a lot. When it came to my ex who had acted heartless, my new phrase became 'However hurt you may be, forgiveness is key.'
Stop with the "But you said you would love me forever" -
The guy gave me a letter weeks before we broke up, proclaiming ridiculous measures of love, that I was the best thing since sliced bread... blah blah...confusing much? But you can't look at the previous promises or live in the what ifs. Definitely don't picture scenarios of him seeing you walk in your hometown, looking your Sunday best and him running over to you, exclaiming like Noah from The Notebook that "IT WASN'T OVER, AND IT'S STILL NOT OVER." The Notebook is girls' porn and life isn't like that. I said to him... "You said we would get married and you wanted kids?' He answered simply with, 'I did say that, but it's not what I want anymore, sorry about that." So if they are seeing things black and white, you sure as hell need to start seeing things the same too. The best advice I was given was, don't imagine the where's, what's and whys but just see it all as facts. Fact 1. They are together. Fact 2. You and your ex aren't getting back together.
Don't beat yourself up-
I'd wake up and guilt would consume me, we're talking all day, every day. I'd replay every moment I was painfully selfish and ungrateful and I'd cringe. I beat myself up an unhealthy amount and I let him call the shots on how the break up went down, allowing him to treat me like utter rubbish. Not cool. So every time your brain sends you on a guilt trip, try and remember there's always two sides and you can't take responsibility for it all. It's a daily thing I'm still mastering even now and it takes time. When I dropped his things off I was determined to make him see that I had changed, and this was the truth- I'd realised what was important in life and what wasn't. I put a lot of things that didn't matter before him and I wanted to let him know not only how sorry I was. But he made it clear it was too late and he was happier without me, and used the phrase "I just had to get over you." I really was genuinely sorry but nothing I said went in for him anymore, he had no soft spots and was completely cold to me. He had been insensitive as soon as we broke up and he'd changed, he knew he'd broke my heart and not once did he act with any tact throughout. So instead of looking at my ex as the person that I'm going to end up with, I look at the relationship that I can learn so much from him, and I truly wish my first love every happiness in life.