28/10/2012 14:12 GMT | Updated 28/12/2012 05:12 GMT

The Moalition: It's Time for Cameron and Clegg to Grow a Pair

What's that I see, bristling oh so elegantly above his top lip? Poised, sitting, and cordially atoning for any misdemeanour he might indulge; any utterance untoward. Why, it's his moustache of course, gracefully propelling said gentleman to brilliance.

Moustaches are timeless. Or so they should be. Today it does seem only middle-aged men from Wiltshire, US fireman and Hackney-based hipsters embrace the furry companion. But for one month of the year the moustache is universal.

If nothing else, they're tools with which to raise some money. Philanthropic as hair can be, moustaches are one of the finest mediums available. Why take hair off, when you can put hair on? Needless to say, Movember is fast approaching.

And with it comes a peaceful protest with a clear goal in mind:

"We shall neither waver nor rest until the prime minister, David Cameron, and deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg stand shoulder to shoulder and show political unity by growing matching moustaches during Movember."

'The Moalition,' set up by two advocates of marketing company Inferno, forged the campaign in preparation for next month's nose-accompanying festivities. What better way for Cameron and Clegg to stand fast in a time of turmoil? And what better way for the mismatched pair to help raise some money for charity?

Find me a UK citizen who wouldn't like to see the government's main men strutting about Westminster fashioning rather excellent moustaches, and I'll find you a badger who'd like to be culled.

The fact is, we need The Moalition. Our country is in dire times, and what better than to combat it head on with a moustache-based unification? Humour has always been integral to British politics, all the more reason to agree with the campaign's reasoning:

"It's time to convince Cameron and Clegg to lead from the lip. For our leaders to work together to help change the face of men's health. It's time to turn the Coalition into a Moalition."

Yet despite numerous calls for recognition, some even from national papers, our country's leaders have simply ignored an opportunity for growth. Why, they're clearly doing the opposite. Moustache austerity is upon us.

What both Cameron and Clegg seemingly fail to realise is that growing moustaches may well instill a sense of pride in an otherwise depressed nation; a nation growing ever colder as Christmas fast approaches. November, as we all know is a deeply upsetting time for many. Father Christmas' bells are long awaited; the summer is so distant a memory that we cannot even recall that splendid beach where we saw those turtles scurrying majestically across the sand.

But November needn't be this way. It can be so much more. It can hold so much meaning. Let's implore Cameron and Clegg to strike up the courage and truly act on that perplexing notion of growth. Let's urge them to let the hairs run wild upon their top lips, to flow like wiry ribbons of joy towards their smiling cheeks.

What's more, charity is a serious matter; and Movember, at its heart, has a serious ideal. While it is frankly amusing to see men parade their manliness by way of Victorian revitalisation, it's within that recovery we see money raised. And to think what financial aid would come about if The Coalition simply sought to grow as with so many men across the land.

Jack and Ali, who thought up the Moalition campaign, state:

"Once in every generation, a popular movement rises, seemingly out of nowhere, which heralds a seismic shift in politics.

"Our aims may appear radical, but our methods are peaceful and our aims are noble."

Indeed, is it unwise for politicians to veer to popular demand, to adhere to a nation's cry? Why, is it untoward for senior Government players to follow the calls of youth? No, of course it isn't, it'd be wholly beneficial for their popularity and it's just, right and bountiful for Cameron and Clegg together to modernise politicians in the eyes of a generation; to show the world that they too can take one for the team.

The least David Cameron and Nick Clegg can do this Movember is offer us growth. And if they cannot deliver financially, why not sport a moustache of unrivalled extravagance? At least, if nothing else, they'd be supporting a good cause.