In times gone by I used to cherish the evenings when traditional linear broadcast television would pipe the jewel of entertainment, Gladiators, into my living room. On Friday nights, my Dad would buy a takeaway from the Chinese (Half chicken and chips) and we'd sit down and watch 'Wolf' 'Jet' and other aptly named psychopathic gym bunnies knock ten shades of shit out of eachother using bad acting and polystyrene poles.
These days I've become increasingly bored of television formats and much prefer the company of my laptop, the neighbours cat (who wanders through my conservatory in a daily escape bid from captivity) and a mug of beef tea.
Netlix, Youtube, non linear formats. Everything on demand.
"Traditional TV is boring", the youth cry out in droves.
iPlayer rises. BBC3 becomes internet only.
Therefore I've decided some of today's telly shows need a revamp to make them a little more interesting. It started yesterday when I was waiting for my flight to Amsterdam and a friend text me the following.
I then mused this whilst dealing with the following amount of legroom on my Easyjet sponsored flying breadbin:
Here are my suggestions to British commissioners: (Contains strong language)
'The Knickers of Dibley'
A female clergy members undergarments are stolen and police get involved at taxpayers expense for quite possibly the shittest Sherlock Holmes mystery ever. #britishshowsremade
A surgeon suffers a horrendous car crash, tragically losing his memory #britishshowsremade
A taxi driver is taken round Britain's stately homes and asked to give his honest views on the blue blooded toffs that live there. #britishshowsremade
Someone and their friend of the opposite sex (who is actually just a friend) have dinner with no ulterior motives, without any form of physical interaction. A lovely time is had by all, #britishshowsremade
'The Great British Wake Off'
Mel and Sue espouse baking and light frothy banter for judging who can throw the most mental and outlandish funeral #britishshowsremade
The show follows the one Chav on the bus that is playing his music on loudspeaker from his phone without any consideration for those who want to read the metro in peace and don't like Happy Hardcore #britishshowsremade
Total bastards are sold at auction to finance firms and trained as bankers for positions within the City #britishshowsremade
'Celebrity Come Down On Me'
Z-list celebs perform sex acts on eachother around a dinner table.
'Hash in The Attic'
A stoned presenter shows the police his hoard of illegal cannabis plants in the loft #britishshowsremade
A horse is transported back in time from the 1980's to the 1880's and become a detective to discover his own mysterious fate but also that of the 'Knickers of Dibley' #britishshowsremade
Do you have your own? Please share on twitter with the hastag #britishshowsremade