06/06/2016 08:37 BST | Updated 05/06/2017 06:12 BST

Do You Want My Vote or Not?

If they really want everyone to vote why can't you vote online? It's 2016. You can transfer money, get a visa even add yourself to the adoption register, all online. I'm beginning to think they're trying to wipe out and entire demographic from having their say.

We live in the information age where almost everything is immediate, if you can't do it right now you probably won't. When we see a YouTube video posted on Facebook we'll probably scroll past because to view it you have to follow the link and watch an advert, what a ball-ache. If the same video is directly embedded onto Facebook we will give the first five seconds a chance before deciding whether to commit or move on. Contactless card payment has already made punching in your pin feel as archaic as writing a cheque. People don't want to tune into a TV station at a specific time to watch a single episode of a series, when they can devour the full thing in one Netflix sitting whenever they god-damn feel like it. We've been so spoilt by the speed we can send and receive data to the point we'd sooner be stuck in traffic than see the word 'buffering'. If something is three clicks away it might as well be at the other side of the world.

This is what we've become, the physical protein of our brain is changing it's not just a behaviour pattern. Other systems and technologies that have been introduced into society have reshaped our brain just like the Internet in the past. Such as maps, timepieces and the print-press. Speaking of which I recommend a book called "The Shallows" by Nicholas Carr, if this topic interests you, or in fact you still have the attention span for an entire book. If you have read this far you are already more attentive than most.

With all this said and accepting who we are, let me break down the process you have to go through to vote if you can't make it to a polling station.

• Find the online registration

• Rummage through your house to find your P60 or an old payslip to get your National insurance number. (You know that number you need about once a decade)

• Submit the registration after filling out several pages of information and unchecking boxes that threaten to share those details if you don't.

• Open your emails and download the application form

• Find a printer (in my case forward the application form to my girlfriend at work)

• Print of the application

• Fill in the application

• Buy a stamp

• Find a post box

• Wait a few days


• Go to the post box you found earlier in the week

This is just the list of things YOU have to do, the people at the royal mail arguably have a more gruelling role in this pointless task that could quite easily be done with your thumb in your pyjamas. I'm going to lick a stamp like a Luddite to cast my vote, but I can't help but feel like they really don't want it.