When I got to my 30s, I grasped what were the most dangerous words that had been incorporated into my vocabulary.Realising that has set me free. Free from the invisible bondage that was limiting me and preventing the inner light from shining through. This bondage is a conditioning that regulates our way of being. It can be a positive and encouraging conditioning but it can also be a limiting one. I will deal with the latter. I invite you to check those words for yourself and see if by any chance they are not limiting you or your self-expression.
We learn this word in an early age, during the times when people around us praise us for something we have done or said. We, clever beings, learn to use this: 'right! I could do this and that and then I will be accepted, approved, loved,' etc.
This word is like a tune to which we dance like little puppets. We do things that according to the outside world are OK. We don't ask ourselves what we actually want to do. And watch the space when we start asking ourselves what we truly want, as we clearly start to see that we have been living our lives according to the Should Agenda. This unfortunately teaches us a perfection in playing games . This ability is like a muscle which, when exercised more and more, is getting stronger. Then we are surprised when we catch ourselves on agreeing to something we don't want to agree to. Yes, this is how it actually happens. Break this nasty habit by asking yourself: what do I want? instead. Of course, some mindfulness will be needed first. You can't change a habit until you are aware of it.
If there is not enough in the power of 'I should', there is also 'I shouldn't' which reaffirms for us that we need to perform, and never dare to be real.
This is a totally invisible kind of bondage, bondage that prevents real emotions, desires and hopes from coming through. Our clever mind obviously calculates very fast the outcome of potentially speaking our truth, so it prefers to keep quiet. This is when the inner voice is crying to speak out and we think: I shouldn't say this or that... I shouldn't say how I really feel... I shouldn't say what I really think or want... So we live in the little bubble our mind created for us. But the bubble full of limitations is not real, so sooner or later it must burst. The other side of I shouldn't is feeling guilty. These are the moments when we spoke the truth and we bite our tongues feeling guilty and thinking we shouldn't have said that or done the thing we just did.
It's a bit like self-punishment. And again, does the self-punishment help you to thrive or the opposite?
Those two words keep us away from authenticity in a very forceful way. Our potential can only thrive in truth. An authentic place, although scary like a hell for a rational mind, can be a place of creation, connection and the depth of life. And of course there are so many more conditioning words for us, hold on and read on...
This is the word our egoistic side of the brain thrives on.
It likes to persuade us that to reach somewhere we Must do this and that. And when we do it, it says again, now, you must do this and that, and then again. It's teasing us promising something, but it's very disillusioned and over-active, trying to prove to us that we will never actually get 'there'. We will always just chase something. And we may burn ourselves on the way. Days, months and years can pass, and we will be pushing through doing the things we Must do, missing on life at the same time.
If you think you Must do stuff, ask yourself if this is really true.
Play with and explore the Must - challenge it. Show it that you are not the servant of the mind and that exact opposite is actually true.
This one is similar to I shouldn't, however, it is even tighter and stronger. It puts all natural expression on hold, a solid hold. And when you control yourself so much sooner or later you will lose the connection with the Self. Your inner truth will not want to come out and restoring this link may take ages. So loosen up - see what is on the other side of 'I Mustn't' and be playful with it. What I know for sure, is that freeing yourself from those limitations feels amazing. It feels like the weight has been lifted and you can just BE. Go with the flow, and melt in the simplicity of being and expressing who you are.
Of course, there are positive meanings to those words. Let's say, 'I shouldn't cross the road at the red light', or 'I must eat food every day', but I personally think that those words slipped into the wholeness of our lives and without consciously looking at them we may dance in our life to a song that is not even ours.
It doesn't cost a lot to explore those words, and the prize waiting on the other side may actually be amazing. Then you have a choice: to either follow it or bring more real and raw authenticity into your life.