16/10/2014 07:56 BST | Updated 16/12/2014 05:59 GMT

Not Getting What We Want Can Be Exactly What We Need

One of life's hardest lessons continues to be not getting exactly what I want, yet believing I do get what I need. Until I became mature enough, I used to thi1nk I was kind of being punished when things didn't go my way. Now I realise that life has a habit of guiding us, even when it feels as though it's being less kind than we'd like. My personal growth continues to be a little like going to school - I only realised some of the benefits many years later. Now, as I reflect on my life, I realise that even the most adverse occurrences I've encountered have been presented to me as lessons about how to become more resilient.

Of late, I've met many men and women who are having challenges in their lives. Some are aware of how fragile life is, others are just not aware of their own fragility. Adversity is about how we respond to it and less about feeling we are being picked on. My work and life are focused on Personal Development and has been for many years. What I continue to learn is that our personal development is entirely reliant upon us trusting ourselves. In fact, self-trust is one of the keys to being able to trust others. Furthermore, it encourages others to trust us because they tend to mirror that belief.

Recently, I coached a young woman who has some self esteem issues. On the face of it, it would appear she has everything. A loving husband, good looks, intelligence, her own home, a handsome young son. However, she's unhappy with who she is. My job is to help her to be more aware of what is working in her life, and suggest spending less time focusing on what she considers isn't working. Sometimes it's a challenge to motivate someone who has a low opinion of themselves. That's because they may need a medical opinion from a qualified professional. However, I have enough experience and knowledge to put her on the right road.

To know oneself is both a pain and a pleasure. Often the pain is going through the journey of discovery. The pleasure is finally discovering what you are here to do - your purpose. By knowing our purpose, we can establish what we are in the world to do. This enables us to be happier, bring joy to others, and give meaning to our lives.

Start by:

-Discovering what you are passionate about

-Know that you can love the work you do

-Be determined to live a life of being optimistic

-Learn from your mistakes

-Consider how what you do can help others

-Take calculated risks

-Allow self belief to guide you

-Know that not getting what you want is often what you actually need

-Learn how to trust your intuition