A new year, a new start. It's that slightly daunting, yet optimistic phrase for many of us as we enter the start of a new year. As a society, we outright acknowledge our goals that are usually long forgotten by the time March arrives. I notice when we are ending one year and entering another, I become incredibly reflective upon just how long I have lived with chronic illness and disability. The start of a new year almost becomes quite, spiritless.
It feels like time and these precious, fast passing years have the ability to continuously roll into each other, without much joy or change available when you live within the circumstances of poor health. Something that I find becomes really difficult to sit back and accept when pain is in fact, the main culprit in putting so many aspects of your life on hold in the first place. A culprit that becomes even more painful when approaching what is typically, a fresh start.
Since I became chronically ill, I have entered every New Year feeling a large mass of worry, along with goals that always seem fairly unattainable. The unattainable aspect is what reminds me of my disabling illnesses, in their full force. You begin to mould into just believing your only talent lies in being chronically ill, yet that is not a talent you wish to have. Ideally, so many of us wish to leave behind chronic pain, illnesses, disability and the sadness they continue to present at the end of a long year. However, it is just not possible when you are consumed by an incurable diagnosis. Where symptoms are never a thing that are of a rare occasion, in fact they are a large capacity of your daily routine.
Regardless of this, the bottom line for many is a diagnosis of a chronic or incurable outcome. That thought in itself, seems incredibly finalised and makes life sometime seem incredibly bleak and overwhelming. Allowing a diagnosis to make life feel unfair is something I want to enter 2016 not being so fixated on. I want to enjoy life and whilst that may be in an adapted and disabled way, with more steps backwards than forwards at times, I want to work on taking it from impossible to possible.
As individuals, we imperfectly battle through our pain everyday. Yet I want to do that more than ever in the year 2016. I want to make it my mission to be victorious in taking back some of the control that illness helplessly robs you of. It won't be easy, yet it can't be impossible. I see many fellow disabled and chronically ill people are able to do so, yet I am also aware just how many factors are a part of every individual's quest for success. We are all so unique within our battles.
So for the upcoming year ahead, I want to look towards what I want and yearn to achieve despite the issues that aim to hold me back consistently with illness. Instead, I want to survive my days and feel a sense of pride and achievement in my fight against chronic illness and disability. I want to feel like a champion who overcomes a day from hell, even when my limits are consistently presented or when pain tries its absolute best to ruin the process. Most importantly, I want to feel truly happy and not like I am purely an illness.
And although many of us may admit that we are suffering within our chronic pain and illnesses, we also have to acknowledge that we are in fact, surviving. Surviving every day of the trials and tribulations these chronic illnesses throw our way, presented with limits we might not have asked for but continue to adjust and learn from. There are days where you feel so low, that you feel like you just exist. There are also days where you feel so tired, that you just want to give up. And whilst the word chronic may feel like a life sentence, a day only consists of 24 hours. There are going to be lots of down days, bed bound days and housebound weeks yet there is also a chance where victories have the possibility to be a theme within our month too. As they so rightly, should be.
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