Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol.2) - Who Buys Baggy Shoes?

15/11/2011 12:56 GMT | Updated 15/01/2012 10:12 GMT

Yes droogs.

Just a quick one. Not much to report as, well, nothing's happened.

I just want to share with you something that happened to me in a clothes shop today in NYC.

So, I'm out shopping. Not looking for anything in particular. Just killing time. Enjoying the weather. (Very pleasant. Almost spring-like.)

I'm in some shop or other, not showing much interest in the merchandise, and the usual scenario starts to unfold. You know the one?

Shop assistant: "Hi, can I help you with anything today?"

Me: "Erm... No thanks... I'm just looking."


Shop assistant: "Are you looking for anything in particular? A jacket? Some jeans? A sweater?"

Me: "No thanks... I'm just looking."

Shop assistant: "How about these sneakers? These are really cool."

Me: "..." Just a little stare

Shop assistant: "What size are you?"

Me: "40, if you must know."

Shop assistant: "Great, I'll go get you a pair."

Now at this point I would ordinarily wait 'til this idiot had wafted behind the curtain and leg it, but for some unknown reason I sat on a little leather stool and waited... and waited.

Just as I'm about to walk out he re-appears box in hand.

Shop assistant: "Here you go."

Me: "Thanks."

So, as luck would have it, they were too big. (Are my bastard feet shrinking now??)

Me: "Sorry mate, they're too big."

Shop assistant: "What? Really? The 40 is too big? Really?"

Me: "Really."

Then - with a straight face (and I'm not joking) - he said this...

Shop assistant: "You know... baggy shoes are very popular right now."

Me: "..." Just a little stare


Now... I'm gonna be out of the game until Wednesday/Thursday. Some of my mates are in town and it's probably gonna get pretty messy.

In a bit.


Noel's tour diary is published in full at