30/12/2012 20:41 GMT | Updated 01/03/2013 05:12 GMT

Time to Lose Weight

The festive period has passed, and yeh sure you had a good time blah blah blah. Yet now a sobering thought as you gear up for a return to the mundane: you may have fattened a tad over the festive period. It is true I'm afraid, cower all you like! Many of you like me, may feel a tight uncomfortableness around the groin region. The upholstery of jeans feel a lot closer now than they have for some time. I have even taken to eating at night with my trousers unbuttoned: never a good sign. In reality, the festive period turned me into a gluttonous sugar craving monster, the result of which: I have become fatter. I say fatter, because I was never a thin specimen. Crucially, I know I am not alone...

At present, I am on day two of a no carb crash diet. Such extremities are rarely necessary. However, when my mother approached me as I was tucking into a breakfast that consisted of syrup laced pancakes and chocolate donuts, to discuss my 'weight,' I knew she had a point. Therein my tale begins. Though I do not profess to be the master of weight loss, I know the secret to be a simple (carbohydrate) one. If like myself, you are a fiend for these food sources, then the first couple of days without them will be a metaphoric journey through hell. Headaches, irritability and being void of all energy are the symptoms you can expect to encounter. Oh how that revolting Christmas pudding you refused the other night now seems like the elixir of life!

Get past that rough patch, as any addict will tell you, and the withdrawal symptoms ease. At least thats what I hope! By the end of January, there is a chance we may return to our fighting weight, and not be so reliant on jogging pants to mask the muffin tops. The cravings never subside mind you if like me: you like your food. One is always conscious that the first brownie, cookie or scoop of ice cream can cascade into an avalanche of carb ingestion. However, if this does sound like you, take solace in the fact that one day, when you are old and shuffling down the mortal coil, you will probably throw caution to the wind, and eat like a king. At least thats what I am planning for in my latter years.

So there you have it: a convoluted way of saying, putting on weight over Christmas is okay, but lets do something about it. I wish all readers the very best of luck as we wage war against the simple carbohydrates. May your individual quests reap the rewards they deserve.