09/12/2013 10:45 GMT | Updated 07/02/2014 05:59 GMT

The Immigrants Are Coming

Brits recoil as hordes of wild super gypsies prepare to reign havoc in the UK when EU permits Bulgarians and Romanians border access on January 1st.

Almost half of the nation thinks immigrants from the two countries should have no right to live and work in the UK according to Channel 5, a profit based organisation. Furthermore, media reports from other corporate enterprises have cited that anything between one and one billion gypsies will come to the country, despite figures being impossible to predict.

UK concern is paramount because EU countries with stronger job markets like Germany and France will be overlooked in favour of this island for no apparent reason. Moreover, the offerings of Spain and Italy, countries with pre established networks and cultural similarities will also be snubbed because Great Britain is irresistible.

Dispelling public panic, MP for Manchester Central, Lucy Powell, said: "It is important to recognise that there are a wide range of reasons that people come to the UK and the enormous advantage that migration can actually bring.''

''UK citizens can live and work in other EU countries and do so on a significant scale.''

According to the latest figures from Eurostat and the ONS, roughly 675,000 UK citizens live within the EU. However, it is unfair to draw a comparison with gypsies because they are illiterate savages.

A Manchester resident, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: ''They do not do any effort to learn the English language.''

According to recent reports gypsies do not engage with literacy as their only concerns are pick pocketing, selling babies for guns and all other kinds of illegal gaffs. As these hobbies take precedent over a gypsies' deranged life they do not engage with media and are unexposed to UK disdain.

Fortunately for Britain the gypsies will have overlooked the subtext of an illegal drive by Coalition Ministers this month to restrict Romanian and Bulgarian border access against European convention, because 'crime attracts crime'.

Speaking on the subject, Lucy Powell MP said: "My constituency is incredibly diverse with people from a very wide range of backgrounds and there are lots of advantages to this. There are also two Universities in my constituency which constantly attract the very best international students."

Another benefit is the widespread misconception that Romanians and Bulgarians are Roma (gypsies), meaning jingoistic stereotyping will take 50% less effort in January.