03/02/2017 05:16 GMT | Updated 04/02/2018 05:12 GMT

New Year, Old FAT Me!

Losing 11st in two years was at the time, I believed, the hardest thing I've ever done. Two years after I now know maintaining my healthier weight is the hardest thing I have to do forever more. When you've spent your life, as I, living as an obese person, you believe getting to your goal is the hardest part of creating a healthier you! But in truth, maintaining a healthy weight, after a lifetime of obesity, through physical and emotional ups and downs is not only the toughest part but also the most important part of weight loss!

We forget this, or sometimes don't take it into account at all - for instance we can be often so focused on losing weight as quickly as possible using calorie restrictive crash course diets that we forget as soon as we stop and try to eat normally again we'll gain all, if not more, of the weight back. A Yo-yo dieter is created by not thinking ahead, not taking into account if you can maintain the actions that got you to your goal through all of your life and not just the next few months.

'Fitness is for LIFE not just for after Christmas!'

Even if you do everything right and lose the weight in a sustainable way, I've learnt when life's struggles arise like finances, and love life you can become derailed quickly. But who can truly ever be prepared for life's ups and downs? Not me for sure - I wasn't prepared for deep financial struggles trying to start a new business and at the same time my pet dog getting sick, then the stress of vet bills and the eventual heartbreak of losing my dog anyway in December 2016.

I was so unprepared that I'm now, Jan 2017, 2 ½st heavier and have knowingly been emotionally eating and at points even self-sabotaging. How can things get so bad so fast you may be asking? Well the truth is I wasn't prepared emotionally for reaching my goal weight in the 1st place. Sounds strange I know, as how could I not be prepared for a goal I've be chasing my whole life? The truth is even though I had reached my goal weight and was fit I still wasn't truly happy! I wasn't happy because after extreme weight loss I had loose skin and stretch marks.

I tried to fight the depression but it overtook me and I felt in the end all my hard work was for nothing, as I'll never even be 'normal' looking. At the beginning of my weight loss journey I promised myself I would get corrective surgery as a reward, however after researching what that truly entailed I had second thoughts because even with the expensive painful extended surgery I'd be left with large scars that I'd want to still hide, so what was the point?

At the beginning of 2016 this downward spiral began for me. In life I see how if you feel bad about one thing in your life these feelings can spread into other areas and make new smaller issues that arise for you seem bigger, and big issues can seem like life is actually against you!

In this moment, with tears in my eyes writing this, I'm honestly just about holding on to my faith and trying to start again, again... again! Watching my old Youtube video's trying to remember what it felt like to be motivated and take care of my fitness whatever life was throwing at me - and I did successfully do it then, I just didn't do enough 'emotional lunges' to be strong enough to not let life or my insecurities' bring me down today.

So as well as the 80 physical lunges I plan to do today, I'm going to add one emotional lunge. Did you see it? Well actually it happen earlier, I've had a rubbish day today learning how to drive and dropping my unsatisfactory driving instructor but instead of doing what I want to do, which is to eat yet another share bag of sweets, I'm going to the gym!

I don't have all the answers but what I know is if I want to get somewhere I start by putting one foot in front of the other.

Wish me luck!

Watch me get physically and emotionally healthy again... Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE for videos weekly and check out my Website!