Rumours are circulating that Danny Boyle will be directing Margaret Thatcher's funeral at St Paul's Cathedral, after plans were leaked to Huffington Post UK Comedy.
According to the running order we have obtained, the funeral - or 'closing ceremony', as some are calling it - will open with Kenneth Branagh reciting the prayer of St Francis of Assis ("Where there is discord, may we bring harmony"), after which the Queen will arrive at the cathedral by parachute.
The staged numbers will include hundreds of coal mines being erected only to be dismantled, and a million candles being lit to finally reveal the word 'GOTCHA'.
Tightly choreographed dance routines, meanwhile, will see hundreds of private hospital nurses dancing on the grave of the NHS, a thousand bankers jumping up and down on piles of cash, and a re-enactment of the poll tax riots set to Mike Oldfield's 'Tubular Bells'.
It is thought that Emeli Sande will sing at least 50 times - opening with 'Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead' and ending with a medley of '80s protest songs. The ceremony will then close with Sir Paul McCartney leading the audience in a singalong version of 'Maggie Mae'.
"We think there's something for everyone - pomp and circumstance for the Thatcherites and subversive messages for the lefties," a St Paul's insider told us. "It will be a celebration of all that made Britain great. And terrible."
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Thatcher the milk-snatcher
Conservative leader Margaret Thatcher holds her namesake, Maggie a Charolais calf, during her electioneering tour of East Anglia.
Thatcher vs England (football team)
Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher sharing a joke with England footballers, left to right, Kevin Keegan, Terry McDermott, Phil Thompson and Emlyn Hughes and other members of the international squad outside 10 Downing Street when they were leaving after attending a reception given by Mrs Thatcher in 1980.
Thatcher, the protected
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher wears protective clothing as she tours the premises of Vacuum Interrupters Ltd in 1981.
Thatcher does DIY
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher tries her hand at wallpaper trimming when she visited the building class at Walderslade Secondary School for boys at Chatham, Kent, during her 1987 election campaign tour of Medway towns.
Thatcher visits Coronation Street
Margaret Thatcher toasts Julie Goodyear and the cast of Coronation Street when she visited the Rovers Return at Granada Television Studios in Manchester.
Thatcher the diddy woman
The Prime Minister, Mrs Margaret Thatcher, with her very own 'tickling stick' talking with laughter maker Ken Dodd at the London Palladium when she attended the evening performance of the comedian's "Laughter Show".
Thatcher the cameraman
1987. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, in a light-hearted mood on election day morning taking a position behind the lens for a change. Mrs Thatcher was on a vote-catching trip around her Finchley constituency.
Thatcher strapped up
1979: Margaret Thatcher in an inter-ship jackstay for her high-speed shortcut across the Pool feature of the 25th London International Boat Show which she opened at Earls Court in London.
Thatcher works with children and animals
Schoolchildren Patrick and Elizabeth Hanlon introduce their pet dog Jason to Margaret Thatcher on Westminster Bridge, in London, after the Conservative Leader had presented a Certificate of Merit awarded by the RSPCA to Matthew Parris (background left) a member of her Private Office staff.
Thatcher the icon
Margaret Thatcher holds up a "I love Maggie" t-shirt at the Conservative Party Conference exhibition in Blackpool.
Thatcher the street-cleaner
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, right, in the driving seat with Lady Porter, leader of Westminster City Council, outside 10 Downing Street, London, in a high-pressure water street cleaning machine, part of the Westminster Initiative against litter.
Thatcher meets Timmy Mallett
TVAM's Timmy Mallett and Margaret Thatcher.
Thatcher the European
Margaret Thatcher, sporting a sweater bearing the flags of European nations, in Parliament Square during her 'Yes to Europe' campaign.
Thatcher the twitcher
File photo dated 29/05/1987 of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, waist-deep in blackcurrent bushes, bringing the agricultural scene into focus during a visit to Appleford Farm, Rivenhall, near Witham, East Anglia.
Thatcher, friend of the workers
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher looks over the shoulder of a sewing machinist when she visited the Aquascutum factory in Hemel Hemstead, Herts. Mrs Thatcher, an Aquascutum customer, is the first British Prime Minister to visit one of the firm's factories.
Thatcher the prepared
Former Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher sits in the House of Lords, before the Queen's Speech for the State Opening of Parliament.
Thatcher the builder
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher tries her hand at bricklaying when she visited the building class at Walderslade Secondary School for boys at Chatham, Kent, during her election campaign tour of Medway towns.
Thatcher and Paddington
Conservative leader Mrs Margaret Thatcher, who is 53 today, holding a birthday cake in the shape of a key with the words written on it 'No.10 Many Happy Returns, Margaret' and a giant Paddington Bear dressed in blue and wearing a Tory rosette which were presented to her at Brighton when she made her speech on the closing day of the 1978 Conservative conference.
Thatcher, the artist
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher paints in the left eye of a large red, gold, black and white wooden doll, part of a traditional Japanese ceremony, during the official opening of Nissan's new car plant in Washington, Tyne and Wear.
Thatcher has a laugh. Sort of.
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher (r) during a tour of the set of Granada TV soap Coronation Street, where she met stars Alf Roberts (Bryan Mosley), screen wife Audrey (Sue Nicholls, centre) and Sally Webster (Sally Whittaker).
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher at the wheel of a Bluebird car at Nissan's new car plant which she officially opened in Washington in Tyne and Wear.
Thatcher, man of the match
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher takes to a tennis court shoeless and a delivers a forehand when she opened David Lloyd's 4.5 million tennis and fitness centre, which has 12 courts, in London.
Thatcher does some DIY
Opposition leader Margaret Thatcher decorates her new flat in the grounds of the National Trust's Scotney Castle in Kent.
Thatcher drives a tractor
Then-opposition leader Margaret Thatcher at the wheel of a tractor during a visit to her sister's farm, Foulton Hall, Ramsey, near Harwich.
Margaret Thatcher and more cows
Opposition leader Margaret Thatcher, shepherds crook in hand, feeds a cow during a visit to her sister's farm, Foulton Hall, Ramsey, near Harwich.
Thatcher gets a rabbit
1979: Margaret Thatcher is presented with "Floppy", a knitted woollen rabbit in the Conservative colours, and a kiss by two year old Timothy Simmonds outside her Flood Street, Chelsea home in London
Margaret Thatcher packs Easter Eggs
Mrs Margaret Thatcher dressed for industry today as she tries her hand at packing Easter eggs at Cadbury's Bournville factory. The Tory leader visited the factory as part of her Midlands electioneering tour.
Thatcher is sung to
Conservative Leader Margaret Thatcher flanked by showbusiness stars voicing their support for her with a special song "Hello Maggie" on the platform at the Wembley Conference Centre. From left Nigel Davenport, (his wife extreme left), Molly Weir, Liz Fraser, Pete Murray, Vince Hill and Lulu.
Thatcher's celebrity supporters
Comedian and DJ Kenny Everett (centre) gives Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher a big hand of support, at the Tory Youth Rally at the Wembley Conference Centre. (L-R) Bob Monkhouse, Monty Modlyn, Everett, Mrs Thatcher, Ted Rogers and Jimmy Tarbuck.
Thatcher hangs out
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, in the front seat of the Vanden Plas model of the new Austin Maestro.
Thatcher is heavy-tech
Margaret Thatcher in the driving seat of a Heavy-tech cab made by Motor Panels of Coventry, when she opened the industrial design exhibition "Drive forward -- Towards the Year 2000"
Thatcher drives a crane
Premier Margaret Thatcher at the controls of a giant mobile crane, when she inaugurated what was said to be the City of London's biggest construction project since rebuilding after the Great Fire in 1666.
Thatcher meets Geldof
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher talks to Bob Geldof during the Daily Star Golden Awards. The singer was one of the award winners for forming the group 'Band Aid' and raising millions of pounds for Ethiopia's famine victim
Thatcher with the Red Army Dancers
Margaret Thatcher enjoying a chat with dancers from the Red Army Ensemble -- Moscow Military District, at the Royal Albert Hall.