It was with this chant from my kids ringing in my ears that I take my place among nine other contestants at a chilli eating competition at a festival during the summer. Hundreds of chill enthusiasts stopped shopping for half an hour and joined the audience to watch us suffer.
UK government policy on parental leave, for example, has been set according to a generalised assumption that men want to take more time off, and work more flexibly, to be with their children.
Yet the simple, statistic-backed facts support the opposite conclusion: men aren't yet using even close to the wiggle room they already have.
It is worth us all remembering that mums are more likely to pursue and succeed with breastfeeding if the father is actively involved right from day one, and that baby-father bonds are stronger when dad plays a role.
Given that couples who share childcare more equally are actually more likely to have happier relationships and are more likely to stay together. We need a broader manifesto about what it ought to mean to be a dad in 21st Century Britain. This would complement - not contradict - the father's rights movement's aims.
As an equal parent in and out of working hours for over five years now, I've realised there's no fairytale quite so engaging, but quite so without actual substance, as the modern fatherhood myth. There's a convincing but untrue story about a huge army of fathers out there across the UK, all merrily doing their fair share of childcare, or maybe even more than their female partners.
Just take a look outside. Where are the groups of dads sitting in coffee shops, or joining sing-along at the local library?
I hear all the time that the woman has chosen to stay at home and look after the children, while the man has chosen to go to work. Given all these overt and subtle pressures, I wonder whether these are really free choices at all. The only solution is for men to actively take up the mantle of childcare, right from the very earliest days of our children's life.
My fear was not these women wouldn't see the logic of having our boys play together and refuse. Rather it was that my invitation - for two women to come back to my house, while my wife wasn't there - might be taken as some kind of sexual advance.