Accept what's happened. Our babies weren't meant to live on this earth. They came for a little while and then they had to leave. Accepting that your baby has passed is one of strongest things you will ever do. It allows you space to breath, to move forwards and to cherish what you did have, while you had it.
I can honestly say, even though I did feel jealous, I was always happy for them. At first I would say, "Oh don't be silly, don't feel bad telling me! I am fine!" Finding myself comforting them through the experience of having to tell their defective friend they were getting their bundle of joy after only a couple of months of trying.
Deleting the day from my calendar and staying in bed is appealing, but it isn't real life. I am finally at a point now that I can face these days with at least some kind of composure. Processing the grief of losing my babies and accepting that we would not have children has been a slow and heart-breaking process.
For 12 years, my husband and I have been trying for children. It's such a simple aspiration, something so natural. To have a family. When the simple becomes a nightmare, it can take over your life and result in feeling like a total failure. To do the simplest thing, to know that my body is letting me down so badly is hard to process.
Recently, Coronation Street ran the heartbreaking story of Steve and Michelle suffering a late miscarriage and losing their baby. It is a devastating experience that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Unsurprisingly, with it coming into the fore, emotions will be running high for anyone who has experienced any sort of miscarriage.
Three whole months went by after the miscarriage and it got harder to deal with the more negative pregnancy tests that I took. Then in the February, I finally tested positive and it was a very mixed-emotion moment for both myself and my fiancé. After having one healthy pregnancy and a baby boy, to having a miscarriage, we couldn't let ourselves get too excited.