I start to think about the writer I want to be. Maybe I'll get really good at Twitter. I could become one of those writers who has their finger on the pulse and can talk about Newsnight and the latest series of Ex on the Beach, Yeah, maybs. I turn the wifi back on.
The Labour Party under Ed Miliband and his most un-super sidekick Ed Balls are completely anti-business, a fact that has been demonstrated time and again with policies that treat UK PLC as a tax cash cow, that never needs feeding... So it's no wonder that business leaders across the country are not prepared to stand by and listen to this bunch of liars trying to pass themselves off as having great support from industry.
Once I'd made my friend cry for his racist pie-crust chimney joke, I can't say I felt particularly great about myself. I felt like I'd crushed what was, however misguided, a perfectly commendable intention - to cheer somebody's day up a bit. Daniel O'Reilly had the same intention. He just failed on a spectacular scale. And if he's truly contrite, then maybe we could lay down the righteousness for a bit and show him some compassion.
Vote, run a marathon for charity, sell all your possessions, start a political party, have a cup of tea with your neighbours, sponsor a friend. Whatever it is, you can make a difference by doing whatever you think is right, it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks your wrong.
Such is the level of anger and indignation levelled at Russell Brand for 'daring' to publicly articulate his disenchantment with the status quo, with the political and economic system, and worse daring to write a book with the provocative title Revolution, you would think he'd just committed some heinous crime. The criticism that has attached to him over his reinvention as a political activist, writer and campaigner says more about those throwing barbs than it does about him, however, echoing perhaps Oscar Wilde's assertion that, "Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities".
When, in June, Paxman finally hangs up those weary eyebrows and quits Newsnight, he will cap a glittering career. For 25 years, Paxman's main talent has been the ability to ask questions of the foremost inconsequence in the manner of a courtroom drama auditionee.
Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on the rise and rise of Ukip, Ed Miliband's 'Venezuelan' reforms of the rental market, Jeremy Paxman's decision to quit Newsnight and Cameron v Bercow at PMQs?
Never mind all the people queuing at food banks, spare a thought for the richest in society, who have to shoot their dinner out of the sky. Thankfully our caring government has subsidised the use of shotguns so those elite few can gun down birds in the countryside.
The Muslim community is far from perfect, but our misrepresentation as squabbling men who need reforming through those who have themselves rejected the faith is palpably absurd. Who speaks for Muslims? How about the myriad Muslims doing the hard graft on the ground.
It may turn out that Noel Edmonds and his consortium are not the right people to save the BBC. Nevertheless, it doesn't look good when a flagship BBC news programme mocks someone for showing an interest in transforming the broadcaster for the better. Whether Paxman likes it or not, the BBC has to change.
Like countless others, I was inspired and enthused by Tony Benn and his passion for politics. And I consider myself lucky to have appeared on telly with him. Once.
This isn't just about economics. The politics matter, too. Pledging to tackle inequality - within the rubric of "Whose recovery is this?" - helps Labour neutralise the positive Tory narrative of "Growth is back". Crucially, it offers Miliband his own brand of progressive populism to challenge the right-wing, anti-welfare populism of the Conservatives. This is the Inequality Moment.
Surely you must know the adverse effects of bad diet and no exercise. Why should the taxpayer pay for what is, ultimately, the exercise of your freedom of choice? This is the question that Jeremy Paxman asked the former NHS chief Sir David Nicholson, when Nicholson went to Newsnight to describe his transition from being the head of the NHS to becoming yet another NHS patient with diabetes.
How pathetic was I to feel so excited by seeing a young black man, whom I don't even know, on a high brow news programme? How depressing that in 2014 it's still a big deal; that we take to twitter to scream "there's a black person on", something our parents were doing 30 or 40 years ago. Why are we still doing it today?
With the excesses of Christmas behind you, it's time to make some changes for the better...
My view is that the BBC is simply not transmitting an accurate account of reality. Over the space of the year it has ignored significant news and spun events to present something quite different from what those involved witnessed.