How effective do you think you'll be in creating a better year for yourself if you're too focused on what's been going wrong in your life so far? Yes, you may come up with a list of New Year's resolutions because you're keen to avoid another year like the one just gone but how easy do you think it'll be to keep those resolutions?
Developing deep and broader roots help us all to be safer, more stable and resilient. Resilience allows us to cope more effectively with these setbacks, disappointments and disasters. Today's young men need these life skills more than ever before. The world is changing. And not necessarily in a good way for men.
Now most of us would be embarrassed to admit to feeling jealous. And most of the time, we wouldn't even realise that we're feeling jealous. But jealousy happens to the best of us, and when it does, it just creeps in, eats away at us and tastes sour. It makes us overreact, misinterpret and assume things. Simply put, jealousy is toxic; it doesn't look good or feel good.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going. Making changes that are tangible come from yourself. Ask yourself this: 'Am I on the right route to get to where I want to be or am I aimlessly wandering around, stuck because it's safe and familiar?' Do you have a strategy for your life? Do you know the rules of the game and have a map, a plan and a timeline?
Most people don't think they are sacrificing. They are just helping. Or doing what they can do easily while others aren't able to, so you might as well...! Of course they can't because you do it for them and believe you are the only one who can help, (how arrogant when it is put like that) and of course it is easier to take over someone else's life than take responsibility for your own.
Do you feel like you are living? I mean really living? That big fat life that you're grabbing with both hands whilst shouting 'hell yeah' -- running alongside every challenge that comes your way? Or do you feel like you're drifting? Ambling along in a fug of the daily grind? Getting up each morning feeling like you are simply existing day-to-day?
At some time or another we've all experienced our share of emotional hurt. And often when we're hurt, we dump our feelings on others or speak harshly. But this doesn't always work. Getting stuck with the hurt and moping around feeling sorry for ourselves also doesn't work. Suppressing hurt also doesn't work. Why?
Fear! We all have fears, whether it's speaking in front of a crowd, the spider in the bedroom, heights, commitment, failure, success, rejection and the most famous one of all - fear of the unknown. When fear shows up, do you Forget Everything And Run (F.E.A.R)? Or do you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R) to hide under the covers of life and stay right where you are?
I once saved two lives in one night. A friend's who I'd only known a couple weeks and my very own. I was going through an incredibly dark period; I thought life wasn't worth living and that I had no purpose. Yet, I saw the terrible hurt in my friend's eyes and decided I was going to do something about it.
Ego enables us to see shortcomings and weaknesses in others, but not in ourselves. And when we do see our weaknesses, ego hides them and claims to the world that we have none. How do you know when your ego is at work? If you feel insulted, if a criticism hurts, if you get defensive, lose confidence.... it's your ego reacting!
Last year while watching Wimbledon on TV, a well known American tennis player mentioned how, after losing a game, her first thought was 'Next point.' I was rather taken with this attitude/approach. It kind of sums up how I coach - I focus on what's next, rather than what's happened. As you know, we can't change our past, but we certainly can influence our future.
Talking about death is never an easy thing to do. It's certainly not something you save for the dinner party conversation; unless you want to clear the table of guests before the cheese and biscuits have arrived. Death and grieving are often hidden, private subjects; saved only for those who've been there, or your CRUSE counsellor.