At some time or another we've all experienced our share of emotional hurt. And often when we're hurt, we dump our feelings on others or speak harshly. But this doesn't always work. Getting stuck with the hurt and moping around feeling sorry for ourselves also doesn't work. Suppressing hurt also doesn't work. Why?
Fear! We all have fears, whether it's speaking in front of a crowd, the spider in the bedroom, heights, commitment, failure, success, rejection and the most famous one of all - fear of the unknown. When fear shows up, do you Forget Everything And Run (F.E.A.R)? Or do you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R) to hide under the covers of life and stay right where you are?
I once saved two lives in one night. A friend's who I'd only known a couple weeks and my very own. I was going through an incredibly dark period; I thought life wasn't worth living and that I had no purpose. Yet, I saw the terrible hurt in my friend's eyes and decided I was going to do something about it.
Ego enables us to see shortcomings and weaknesses in others, but not in ourselves. And when we do see our weaknesses, ego hides them and claims to the world that we have none. How do you know when your ego is at work? If you feel insulted, if a criticism hurts, if you get defensive, lose confidence.... it's your ego reacting!
Last year while watching Wimbledon on TV, a well known American tennis player mentioned how, after losing a game, her first thought was 'Next point.' I was rather taken with this attitude/approach. It kind of sums up how I coach - I focus on what's next, rather than what's happened. As you know, we can't change our past, but we certainly can influence our future.
Talking about death is never an easy thing to do. It's certainly not something you save for the dinner party conversation; unless you want to clear the table of guests before the cheese and biscuits have arrived. Death and grieving are often hidden, private subjects; saved only for those who've been there, or your CRUSE counsellor.
Self responsibility and accountability are key to future happiness. Have a vision and communicate that vision. I wanted my work to have meaning. I wanted to inspire others to heal and align themselves to their spiritual path and to help them dig deep into their authentic selves and activate their true drivers and passions.
Our Personal Brand is a little like our home. We must keep it clean, and ensure our Inner Brand (the internal workings) are kept in good order. Taking full responsibility for your Personal Brand can almost be a full-time job. And like any job that consumes us, we must endeavour we do our utmost to ensure our job is secure.
In general I'm about as fond of boxing as I am of packing and unpacking boxes. But if you were seeking an example of what resilience might look like in action, you could do worse than watch Muhammed Ali at his peak. Ali, of course, famously spoke of his capacity to "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee," and there's no denying his ability to meld grace with power.
Everyone sits down and says the relationship is in trouble and then tells me the many ways in which the other person is lacking. The conversations are always about what's missing between them or how thing have changed, and a litany of the other person's shortcomings, long before they might mention their own contributions.
I've been down the aisle more times than I care to consider, and I've got an equal number of divorce papers. So who the hell am I to talk about relationships? Well, I'm happy to say I've learned an awful lot about the truth of them, both good and not-so-good, and how they impact our lives and decisions.
Highly confident people are their own master and are best friends with their inner voice. They are comfortable being in charge of what they think, do and say, as they trust themselves. They ask for guidance, support and often flesh things out with advisers, coaches, and mentors but at the end of the day they trust their intuition as they know it will never let them down.