You sit back in your armchair, pick up the television remote control and click the screen on. After a moment of warming up, the picture displays itself into your house, with the volume slightly too loud from the last time you were watching telly, and you hurriedly press the minus key to try and get the sound to pipe down a bit. It only works after you smack the batteries on the back and jab a little bit of life into them...
As the football season draws to a close in the UK, it is time for fans, players and managers to take a break from the frenetic nature of the sport. It is also a time for many commentators to lay down their microphones and rest their voices for a few weeks. Football commentary is the radio job I always wanted to do. I used to run around the garden commentating as I kicked a ball into a makeshift net.
Most mornings I do almost pinch myself. I feel very fortunate to be filming a comedy on the BBC. It feels like a bit of a dream. However there's something missing - my first love. I know we can't have everything, but what I would give to be transmitted back to those hazy radio days for just a few hours.
Looking at today's Rajar figures is like a publisher only looking at the book sales from a high street bookshop, rather than taking into account how they are doing on Amazon. Or nearer to home, a singer who only looks at CD sales, rather than taking into account digital downloads, streaming and ticket sales. Young people still love music, young people still love hearing about what is important in their lives and young people still love Radio 1 - they are just consuming it in different ways. Radio 1 is the biggest radio station in the world on YouTube.
Why should a size 20 or 30 girl not be able to go out and buy the same clothes that her size 10 friends can? What good do we expect to come from it? We have had specialised plus size clothing stores for over a decade now. Has the world buckled and conformed to traditional healthy BMI standards? NO. Is the situation actually worse than ever now? Apparently so.
There are currently six women presenting solo shows at Xfm London. There are fourteen men. So comparatively we are bucking the trend at 30% females (versus the national average of 20%). Imagine a male DJ joining a station and finding himself one of only six men amongst fourteen female presenters. Do you think for one moment he would proclaim to his friends that he is "lucky to be amongst so many male presenters"?
When the Broadcasting Press Guild's radio committee reconvened at the end of last year to talk about who we might honour in 2015 many of the old voices came up. But there were also some new ones as well. Alongside the obligatory documentaries and comedies from Radio 4 we had suggestions of shows and presenters from Absolute Radio, BBC Radio 5 Live and LBC...
Sixty-three per cent of Radio 1 listeners over the age of 30 claim to be parents, so there will be a lot of shared listening with teenagers - as any frazzled parent will testify to keeping their offspring happy in the car or kitchen by putting their station of choice on. That issue of shared consumption really messes with judging the success of your brand by average age, just look at the average age of a CBeebies viewer who is 27 years old. So, if you are looking for a better way of assessing whether Radio 1 is successful at attracting 15-29yr olds, maybe you should look at mode, the most common age of a listener, which is 17 years old.
There has for some years now been a great deal of interest in Sweden here in the UK. I think this stems largely from the fact that Swedes seem like a happier, more successful version of us... What is their secret? It could be summed up in one word: 'lagom'. Lagom is a uniquely Swedish word with no direct translation into English. It means 'not too much, not to little'.