This Saturday I step out in front of - or should I say behind - Ricky Wilson, Sir Tom Jones, Kylie Minogue and Will.i.am in one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done - The Voice UK on BBC One! In my blogs I want to share my experience on the show and what led me to finally audition, after applying for every season so far but never actually queuing up and going through with it.
Will horse loving Fiona Kelly jump in to the next round. Well no, she sadly fell at the first hurdle. The nerves were there for all to hear. With coaching and controlling those nerves, I think Fiona should audition for another show (cough) BGT.
Will returning auditionee Jessica Steele join Team Midas? From the disappointment of having no chairs last year to all four turning this time, what an amazing turn around, excuse the pun. My chair did spin but Jessica won't be with us. Jessica joins Team Will.
With my very own red chair oiled to swinging perfection, and my two choice acts, Anna McLuckie and Sophie-May Williams sitting comfortable on the Team...
First up was Jamie Johnson, who had a very powerful soulful voice. But, it was a grower and I didn't turn my chair until the very end of his performance. Not one for my team though. Three coaches wanted Jamie and he joins Team Kylie. For the record, I didn't think you sounded like a girl Jamie.
This fantasy division between 'types' of woman - mothers and whores - has been well hashed. What is interesting is how, in the concurrent panics over tits - lads' mags, TV presenters - such different discourse is used.
Jessie is hilarious. I like when she fingers her buzzer like Mystic Meg on a lot of cocaine. She also cannot physically allow another vocal to take centre stage for more than 4.5 minutes I've noticed.
The problem with The Voice is that it's full of double standards and contradictions, shifting notably from what the shows principles were initially laid out to stand for.
I wanted to write this blog in letters so small they'd fit on an electron so they would convey not only the scale of my enthusiasm for this show after the first episode but also my total negativity.
The talent show derives its sense of fairness by appropriating the apparatus of democracy. We vote for our favourite singer (or at least the one with the most sympathetic cancer-related anecdote) and they are duly elevated to the plutocratic realm of celebrity, however transitory their tenure.
This is a particularly special year for me as I am planning to become part of the action. I have been intending to enter a TV Talent show for so many years, I can hardly remember when the delusion began. Be it The X-Factor, Britain's Got Talent, I'd Do Anything or Any Dream Will Do (I was badly advised there) it has long been a dream of mine to win a commercial primetime trauma-vehicle.
If the first series of The Voice on BBC1 was an actual voice it would have probably begun in a rich persuasive baritone before spluttering out into the consumptive wheeze of a Victorian whelp pleading for more alms.
After news that Jessie J will not be returning to the next series of 'The Voice' she stepped out into Camden's packed Roundhouse on Saturday 4th Augus...
It has been a little over two months since the premiere of The Voice UK. This weekend, the series will bow out with its two-night finale, which will see Bo, Tyler, Vince and Leanne fight for the coveted title of The Voice. Over the ten weeks of its broadcast, The Voice UK has generated a great deal of press - and not always the good kind.
Think about what takes us away, whatever art form it is. Before self consciousness forces us to become 'proficient', the time the conditions have been put in place and we haven't had time to grasp a 'whole', we don't yet understand what is happening, there isn't chance for strategy to overwhelm experiment.
What a whacky week of TV! And the biggest whack came with Britain's Got Talent blowing The Voice right out of the water as it ended the best ever series yet - with a dog winning the day!