The wild animal stapled to Donald Trump's head has announced its candidacy for President of the United States, standing for the Copious Amounts Of Hair Spray Party.
The announcement was made live from Trump Towers at 11am local time on Tuesday.
Mr Trump's hair is already leading in the polls, apparently seen as the sturdiest of all available candidates. This is potentially caused by the seven bottles of Pantene Pro-V it takes for the real estate tycoon to solidify his follicles every morning.
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