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The 7 Weird Thoughts Everyone Has On The Tube

The 7 Weird Thoughts Everyone Has On The Tube
Eugene Smith
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(Too many) people boarding an Underground train
Chris Stowers via Getty Images

Like most human inventions, the London Underground is distinctly designed to facilitate laziness. How would your legs cope without it?

Whether you're a student in the capital, someone with a job there, or perhaps just someone with a hobby-like passion for claustrophobia, you've almost certainly made use of the tube.

And, by extension, your brain has almost certainly produced these seven sentences...

The 7 Weird Thoughts Everyone Has On The Tube
"Please lower your armpit, sir. My nose exists."(01 of07)
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It's like standing next to a skunk encased in a garlic, which has just emerged from its intensive weekly workout. (credit:Chris Turner via Getty Images)
"Wow! This area of ground surrounding my feet is utterly fascinating."(02 of07)
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This thought emerges whenever anyone else on the train tries to strike up a conversation with a stranger.Or, more horrifyingly, with you. (credit:VIDOK via Getty Images)
"Who the holy hell needs to be reminded how to step on to a train?"(03 of07)
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If you need to be told to mind the gap, the 'gap' in question lies between your ears... (credit:starekase via Getty Images)
"Why is my phone internet not working?"(04 of07)
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Use your brain, f***nuts. You're under the ground, remember? (credit:mindscanner via Getty Images)
"Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me...(05 of07)
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...bollocks." (credit:Evening Standard via Getty Images)
"I must definitely rush for this train, even though there will be an identical one in no more than three minutes."(06 of07)
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In all honesty, a three minute increase in punctuality is not worth the humiliation of having to contort your entire body to fit inside the doors. (credit:German via Getty Images)
"What if the train blew up?"(07 of07)
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There is no logic in imagination. It's as if humans were specifically designed to terrify themselves. (credit:Igor Lubnevskiy via Getty Images)

For similar desperate attempts to get social media gratification, visit thehumanwritesact.

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