'Girls To Men' Star Having Penis Built Reveals What It's Like To Physically Transition From A Woman To A Man
Penis Construction Surgery Will Let This Trans Man Get An Erection
Natasha Hinde— The Huffington Post UK
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When he was just 14 years old, Billy attempted to take his own life because he was unhappy in his female body. Two years later, he tried again.
After overdosing, somebody found him and he was rushed to hospital where doctors pumped his stomach and saved his life.
"It was touch and go for the first 24 hours, but luckily I pulled through," Billy tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle.
"The nurse asked me the next day why had I done it? I said 'because nobody cares', she replied 'well I care'.
"From that moment on my life changed for the better because if she cared for me without even knowing me, then I had every reason to live."
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Billy
Billy, 25, is just one of thousands of transgender guys feeling uncomfortable with their bodies. And it's something he's known from the age of four, when he was called Connie.
"I always thought I was a boy anyway until I realised I was different from other boys," he explains. "I continued to live my life just being me, convinced that my male parts would just appear at some point.
"As a teenager I realised that was never going to happen and started to get very depressed as I didn’t know why I felt so wrong, I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone."
"The thought of not becoming a man was too distressing to live with," he says.
After an eight year wait to be prescribed testosterone, he was finally able to begin his physical transition aged 21.
Now, Billy is having a penis built which is made up of skin grafted from around his body. Once all of the surgery has been completed, he will be able to urinate and have sex as a man.
The treatment, called pubic phalloplasty, has been funded by the NHS and involves four stages of construction, which can take up to 18 months to complete. Billy has had the first stage and is due to undergo three more.
The first bit of surgery involves taking skin from the stomach area to create the penis.
"While my stomach is open they do the hysterectomy as well," he says. "They then pull my skin down on my stomach to join it all back up again. It’s incredibly tight and I couldn’t stand up straight for the first five to six weeks, but it does all stretch back out eventually."
It's the next couple of stages of surgery which will be the most life-changing for Billy.
"I will be able to urinate after stage three, as they make the urethra and connect it to my bladder," he explains. "I'll be able to have sex after stage four."
The surgery will involve fitting a pump inside his newly built penis, which will look like "two straws".
"I can inflate and deflate the penis using a tiny little pump inside one of my testicles," he explains.
"The straws fill up with saline fluid, which comes from a small bottle that will be placed into my abdomen somewhere - although I'm not exactly sure where."
He says the penis will get "really hard" and the erection could last for days if he wanted it to.
"I’m so glad to be on the final road of my transition," he adds.
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What to do if your friend has come out as transgender
A person's identity is their own to decide(01 of10)
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If someone tells you they are a “he”, a “she”, a “they” (which some genderqueer people opt for), use that pronoun. Some people might even refer to themselves as an “it”, but definitely avoid this unless a person has specifically asked. You do not decide a person's identity, they do, both because it’s their right and because they are the only people that can ever truly know. Respect their wishes without question. (credit:DaveBleasdale/Flickr)
If you're unsure how to refer to someone, just ask(02 of10)
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If you really don't know, the best option is to just ask. Dancing around the subject can be irritating for a transgender person. Think of it like asking someone’s name: until you ask what it is, it’s fine for you to not know! If you’ve not had an opportunity to ask yet, “they” is a good general purpose pronoun to go for. Definitely don’t resort to “it”, “she-he”, “he-she” etc. as most people find these names horribly degrading. (credit:Matiluba/Flickr)
Be careful when talking about the past(03 of10)
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When you're referring to things in the past, never say things like "when you were x gender", or "born a man/woman". Most transgender people feel like they have always been the gender they have come out to you as, but needed to come to terms with it in their own way. Instead refer to the past without referencing gender, for example, "last year", or "when you were a child". (credit:jasonepowell/Flickr)
Don't be afraid to ask questions(04 of10)
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Each person is different, so won’t want to talk about it at all, whereas some might enjoy the opportunity to discuss it. The worst thing you can do is be awkward about it; just ask them if they want to talk about it! At the same time, don’t ask questions that would be strange to ask a cis person. Transgender people and cis people should be treated the same – don’t start conversations about their bodies, for example, that wouldn't be normal to discuss with your cis friends. (credit:Eleaf/Flickr)
Forget stereotypes(05 of10)
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Never call out a transgender person for behaviour which isn’t stereotypical for their identified gender, for example, if your trans-woman friend decides she doesn’t feel more comfortable in trousers sometimes. Gender identity is much more than just the things people do and the way they dress, but it’s not uncommon for transgender people to feel pressured into following stereotypes to “prove” themselves to their friends. (credit:kristin_a (Meringue Bake Shop)/Flickr)
Respect their privacy(06 of10)
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This one should be obvious, but never out someone unless they’ve made it clear they are openly transgender. It’s up to the individual to decide when they are comfortable coming out to people, and it is possible for them to be out to some people, but not others, so don’t assume that because they’ve come out to you there’s a free pass to tell everyone about it. (credit:anna gutermuth/Flickr)
It's okay to make mistakes(07 of10)
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Although it is important you try your best to respect a person’s identity, you are only human – if you've known your friend a long time, you'll likely have a lot of habits to break, including a change of name, pronouns, etc. As long as you’re trying, transgender people normally don’t mind. Sometimes they might point out that you’ve messed up, and that’s fine. When they do, measure the tone of their voice: if they are annoyed about it, calmly say sorry and try to ensure it doesn’t happen again. But equally, if they seem happy, don’t make a massive deal of it. (credit:opensourceway/Flickr)
Cross-dressing(08 of10)
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A cross-dresser is just someone who dresses in clothes stereotypically associated with the opposite gender: cross-dressing does not imply anything about a person’s gender. Eddie Izzard, for example, is a straight cis male who loves his makeup and dresses. Don’t say a cross-dresser dresses in “women’s clothes” or “men’s clothes” – if a male likes to wear dresses that he owns, he’s wearing a man’s dress because they are his. And do not assume that a person's gender correlates with their sexuality - it doesn't. (credit:twicepix/Flickr)
Get the terms right(09 of10)
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Try to avoid the term 'transvestite' as no one knows what it means. Technically, it just means 'cross-dresser', but it has been misused for a while now. 'Sex' is what body you have whereas 'gender' refers to a person’s identity. Other than the fact it is fairly common for a person’s gender to match their sex ('cis'), the two things are otherwise completely unrelated. 'Genderqueer' is a broad term that covers people that don’t fit into the stereotypical gender binary – that may be because they don’t feel they have a gender at all, they feel that they fit into another, third, gender or that they flit between those options, making them 'genderfluid'. 'Transgender' is someone who identifies with a gender other than their birth-assigned sex. A 'Transsexual' is someone who has physically changed their sex. (credit:.reid./Flickr)
Don't know? Don't worry!(10 of10)
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If you see someone out in public and you can’t figure out what gender they are, just don’t worry about it! Definitely don’t have a loud conversation discussing what “they might be”, and absolutely don’t try to peek under their skirt or into their shirt to see what 'parts' they’ve got. Yes, some transgender people really do have to put up with that sort of thing. (credit:@Doug88888/Flickr)
For Billy, living as a trans man is far easier now than it was in his teens.
"When I was 16, I was bullied immensely to the point of becoming a recluse," he recalls.
"I hated the thought of going outside because I couldn’t bare the thought of having a bad thing said towards me."
But nowadays things are different. "I’ve had my surgery filmed for the 'Girls To Men' documentary because I felt more comfortable sharing my story with the world. I feel at peace with society now," he adds.
"The amount of support I get from my local community as well as the online community is huge and seriously outweighs the hate. There’s so much acceptance for us now that there’s no need to feel threatened while walking down the street."
He says that while he's had to fight a hard battle for his physical transition - which is still not complete - it has been 100% worth it.
"Now I just fight to make other trans guys' journeys much easier, because I had no one to follow while I was going through this," he says.
"Being transgender is incredibly hard to live with but thankfully it’s getting easier everyday for us. We’re not looked at like freaks anymore."
His advice to trans men who are struggling is not to get "too stressed" with it all.
"Small things like getting a haircut or buying new jeans can make all the difference to how you feel in yourself," he says. "Also, be patient with your family, it’s hard for them to change too. Even if they seem unaccepting, it’s probably because they don’t understand and are worried for you."
But it's his final words of wisdom that are the most poignant.
"Always feel free to be who you are and never be ashamed," he says.
"One day you could become someone’s inspiration and their reason to keep on living."
Girls to Men is on Channel 4, Tuesday 13 October at 10pm.