This week Prince Andrew and Donald Trump were locked in a dramatic battle to see who could say the dumbest thing in public, and while you’re no doubt acquainted with the Duke of York’s disastrous TV interview, you might not have had time to keep up to date with the president.
Fortunately, HuffPost UK has been keeping track for you.
Here’s a little amuse-bouche to warm you up...
Wut?
Don’t worry, it’ll make a little bit more sense later on.
OK, refresh my memory – what’s going on again?
Democrats are investigating allegations that Trump used the power of his office to pressure a foreign government into discrediting his leading rival in next year’s presidential election, Joe Biden.
The impeachment inquiry was sparked by a still-anonymous intelligence official who was so worried about what Trump said in a call to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskiy, he took his concerns to the top levels of the US intelligence services.
Ah, yes.
The week began with US house speaker Nancy Pelosi providing a view of just how seriously the proceedings so far are being taken – well, by Democrats, at least.
In a CBS interview broadcast on Sunday, she alluded to Richard Nixon’s resignation after the Watergate scandal that shook the US and the world in 1974.
Not mincing her words, she said: “I mean, what the president did was so much worse than even what Richard Nixon did, that at some point Richard Nixon cared about the country enough to recognise that this could not continue.”
Pelosi then upped the ante even further – responding to the president’s repeated claims that the whole impeachment inquiry is rigged and stacked against him...
Pelosi invited him to give evidence in front of investigators. She said: “If he has information that is exculpatory – that means “ex”, taking away; “culpable”, blame – then we look forward to seeing it.”
Trump said in a tweet he “liked the idea” and would “strongly consider it”.
So has he?
Nope, not yet.
What happened on Tuesday?
Forget Tuesday, we’re going to skip straight ahead to Wednesday when the really juicy stuff unfolded.
This, is US ambassador to the European Union, Gordon Sondland.
It’s long been suspected that Sondland had intimate knowledge of how the Trump administration was working with and possibly pressuring Ukraine, but the president had forbidden him from giving evidence to the inquiry.
His excuse? Well here it is...
But it turns out Trump may have had another reason to want to keep him away from a microphone.
On Wednesday Sondland did sit in front of the inquiry and, on live TV, proceeded to throw Trump and his personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani under the proverbial bus, saying both men explicitly sought a “quid pro quo” (a favour in exchange for a favour) with Ukraine.
In opening remarks Sondland said: “Was there a ’quid pro quo?′ With regard to the requested White House call and White House meeting, the answer is yes.”
The rest, he said, was obvious: “Two plus two equals four.”
He added: “Everyone was in the loop. It was no secret. We followed the president’s orders.”
Sondland also said that he and Trump spoke directly about desired investigations, including a colourful mobile phone call in the summer overheard by others at a restaurant in Kiev, the Ukrainian capital.
That sounds quite damning.
That’s because it is. Here was a senior US official telling the impeachment inquiry that the very thing they’re trying to impeach Trump over definitely – at least in his telling – happened.
How did Trump react?
Bizarrely, he tried to claim it as proof he did nothing wrong and had some big handwritten notes to prove it.
Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump cited comments by Sondland about a conversation with the president, in which he said Trump told him he wanted nothing from Ukraine.
“I said to the ambassador in response, I want nothing. I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo. Tell Zelensky, President Zelensky, to do the right thing,” he said.
While Trump’s characterisation of the testimony was accurate, it was incomplete.
He did not mention that Sondland also said during the same exchange that he and another diplomat had had a conversation sparked by alarm over Trump’s actions.
“My reason for telling [the other diplomat] this was not to defend what the president was saying, not to opine on whether the president was being truthful or untruthful, but simply to relay: ‘I’ve gone as far as I can go,’” Sondland had said.
Undeterred by this pesky piece of reality, Trump declared vindication.
How could Thursday possibly top that?
In a way you’re almost certainly not expecting.
A coal miner’s daughter from County Durham lit up the impeachment inquiry on Thursday as her accent and straight-talking drew plaudits on social media.
British-born Fiona Hill, a distinguished Russia analyst, was the former top National Security Council official for Europe and Russia under Trump until July.
As millions of Americans tuned in, Hill’s name was the number one trending topic on Twitter in the US, with many beguiled by her knowledge and skill, shooting down of conspiracy theories, and her northern English brogue.
David Axelrod, a former senior adviser to Barack Obama, said Hill “is operating on a different level” to those questioning her, and was just one of many to heap praise on her.
During one of her most striking testimonies, Hill warned committee members against spreading what she called false conspiracy theories that Ukraine interfered in the 2016 election.
“Some of you on this committee appear to believe Russia and its security services did not conduct a campaign against our country — and that perhaps, somehow, for some reason, Ukraine did,” Hill said.
Did this stop Donald Trump from repeating the conspiracy theory?
Absolutely not.
Here he is on Friday morning less that 24 hours after Hill spoke, repeating the very same conspiracy theory.
So he’s not learned anything this week?
Sadly not.