No one is better at filibustering than a child at bedtime.
It’s at that precise time that kids need to find the answer to a very obscure question or take inventory of all their stuffed animals. Naturally, they also must get a very large glass of water and use the potty numerous times – all in the name of pushing their bedtime later and later.
To find the humour in this nightly frustration, the funny mums and dads of Twitter frequently share their kids’ stall tactics of choice.
We’ve rounded up 30 relatable tweets from parents about the many reasons why their children simply cannot go to bed just yet.
My 4yo will not fall asleep. She said it’s because she wonders what she looks like when she’s sleeping and it’s keeping her awake
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) February 5, 2021
kids:
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 16, 2020
kids:
kids:
kids:
me: it's bedtime
kids: ok hold on we have to build a house, write a book, perform surgery, travel for business, can you cut my nails and also [projectile vomitting]
me: MF!!!!
Me: Go to bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2021
5-year-old: I have to do one thing first.
Me: What?
5: Stay awake forever.
4, in an attempt to avoid bedtime, has come up with an adorable new excuse. Tonight from the monitor I heard this, “Momma, I’m having a bed party and you’re invited, when are you coming?”
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) January 13, 2022
I don’t get why people think getting kids to bed is hard all my son needs is:
— TwinzerDad🌻🇺🇦 (@TwinzerDad) March 17, 2019
A drink of water
4 songs from Daddy
A trip to the potty
Superman flight to bed
An inventory of his stuffed animals
A tissue
2 more songs
Look at my watch for 45 seconds
And all of this 7 more times
I’ve seen my kids use many tactics to stall bedtime, but I have to admit, my son getting back out of bed to present me with the booger that he didn’t want in his nose was definitely a first.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 20, 2019
“I’m too tired” is my toddler’s latest excuse for not going to bed.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 29, 2020
Mommy, do you want to listen to me count from One Thousand to One Million by fives?
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) October 11, 2020
- tonight's bedtime stall tactic
me: it's bedtime now
— The Dad (@thedad) October 25, 2019
kid: please let me do just ONE thing
me: ok
kid: *starts watching one movie*
3-year-old: Why can’t we eat cars?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
Me: That’s not even a real question.
3: I really want to know!
She’ll ask anything to stall bed time.
My preschooler's new night time stall tactic is to wait till he's snugly tucked into bed and then ask we prepare him a bowl of soup.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) April 4, 2018
If you’re wondering just how hard kids will work to stall bedtime, tonight I had to pick out matching socks for a stuffed monkey and a stuffed unicorn, just in time for my 3-year-old to tell me all 482,927 reasons why dogs have tails.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) April 30, 2019
Me: Go to bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2022
7-year-old: I have a question.
Me: What?
7: How many fingers does a pterodactyl have?
Now neither one of us is going to be able to sleep until I look this up.
Zoe's excuse 4 pushing her regular bedtime 15 min later last night? "If I go to bed at 9:15 I'll get gas. If I go to bed at 9:30...I won't"
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) November 22, 2011
If you want to know how weak my 6yo's bedtime excuse game is getting, she came downstairs last night and told me she was nauseous while smiling.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 8, 2019
4 came walking out of the bedroom without permission after bedtime and when I looked at him he said, “What!? I’m just getting a carrot.”
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 11, 2021
I’ll give him credit, it is the most unique excuse I’ve heard.
Kids will make any excuse to put bedtime off. My 5 year old came out crying because he forgot to floss
— sabrina pinto (@sabrinacpinto) October 27, 2016
My 7yo came down after bedtime and said "Either my head or my belly hurts, I'm not sure which one," and I enjoy that she's introducing a Choose Your Own Excuse format so I can really customize my experience.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 8, 2020
Me: it's bedtime
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) November 1, 2021
4: why do I have to go to bed?
Me: it's important to your health
4: but we're all going to die
Me:
4: mom we just sleep until we die some day
I don’t think “you can’t be mad at me, I’m sleep walking!” Was as good of an excuse as my 9yo thought it was going to be when I caught her playing Fortnite in the living room an hour after bedtime.
— Heather 🏳️🌈🇺🇦✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽 (@dishs_up) May 13, 2021
7yo & 4yo have come up with the best excuse EVER to delay bedtime, "Momma, way down wight here & wet us massage you..." #evilgeniuses
— Robin O'Bryant (@robinobryant) September 5, 2013
"My arms can't get comfortable."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 6, 2014
-tonight's bedtime stall tactic
My kid learned that saying he has to go poop is a guaranteed way to stall his bedtime, and now it’s his go-to tactic.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 18, 2019
I’ve never seen someone with so little shit so full of shit.
If you're afraid your kids can't think outside the box just say bedtime & watch with amazement all the things they come up with to stall.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 15, 2014
9 weeks ago one of our baby chicks died.
— Heather 🏳️🌈🇺🇦✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽 (@dishs_up) April 27, 2021
We had a chick funeral
4 has not mentioned the dead chick since.
Tonight, in a desperate attempt to stall bedtime 4 professed an undying sorrow for the loss of a chick we had for less than 24 hrs.
Kids are savage
My 4 year old earlier tonight said ‘please before I go to bed please let me tell you about what happened today’ before embarking on what can only be described as a epic rambling bedtime avoidance filibuster that he was never going to end if it kept him from bedtime 😂😂
— Scone of Destiny 🇺🇦 🏴 (@SconeOf) October 12, 2020
Tonight's bedtime stall tactics are brought to you by the question "who invented peanut butter?"
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 28, 2014
Me: It's bedtime
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) July 24, 2013
4: Read one more book
Me: You're stalling
4: Whats stalling?
Me: When you try to not go to bed
4: Let's talk about stalling
No one has more shit on their to-do list than a kid who’s just been told it’s bedtime
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🖤 (@MacgyveringM22) October 1, 2019
Me: Whhhyyyyyy do the kids insist on stalling their bedtime by talking, acting out, or taking improvised poops? Don’t they know that they NEED to SLEEP???
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) August 9, 2019
Also me: *scrolls twitter until 1am every night*