I think one of the most important aspects in a woman's development is having a healthy sex life. What not all of us realise is that it is a never-ending journey of self-discovery. From knowing what sex is, to understanding what sex is and learning what works for you.
Unfortunately, there isn't any education handed out to you, at least I was never given one, learning was a matter of trial and error.
The process of discovering your sexual self can be very hard for women because of the society we live in. The challenges we face are marred by double standards, hyper-sexualisation or on the other extreme end of unattainable and unrealistic puritanical expectations. For centuries, our sexual experiences have been policed by men and with that carries improbable ideas of how and what a woman should be. Times have definitely changed and there is more space for women to completely own and realise their sexuality.
Here are some tips I put together, to owning your sexual side, and having a healthy sex life;
1. Building up your confidence
This involves teaching yourself and learning about sex. The only way to learn is by going through sexual experiences and encounters – which can be good or bad. I think it's imperative that women go through the phase of 'spreading our wings'. It doesn't work or apply to everyone but going through a period of sexual experimentation builds character and confidence as long as it is done safely with the use of condoms.
2. Do Research
This means reading up on sex. There is more informative sex literature out there today than there was before. It's important to read because it makes you that much more informed on the subject and there are some things that experience just doesn't teach. This brings you a step closer to having a healthy sex life and the key word in this sentence is 'healthy'.
3. Talk to your friends
Talking to your friends about your sex life is not a bad idea because you get to swap and compare stories, whether it's recounting a bad story or sharing tips and tricks. I find that this helps clarify your thoughts and you could learn a thing or two from each other. Be careful not to take advice word for word because everyone is essentially different, take it with a pinch of salt.
4. Watch Porn
This might not be for everyone, but there are a few tips to learn from watching porn. Of course, pornography is not real life and is largely unrealistic. Watching it with your partner can be an exciting experience for the both of you and adds another dimension to your sex life.
5. Masturbate
Self-awareness is key. Learning about your body on your own is an imperative step to knowing what you like and how you like it done. Only you can teach yourself this. Familiarising yourself with your vagina will only improve the pleasure you experience during sex.
6. Communicate with your partner
Telling and showing your partner what you like means that they can better satisfy you. No one knows your body the way you do. If you don't guide your partner they will never fully understand how your body works and what makes you tick or sends you over the edge. Help them, help you.
7. Wear something sexy for yourself
Getting dressed up in sexy lingerie or clothing gives you an added boost of confidence. Never mind exciting your partner but do it to excite yourself. Taking care of yourself and embracing your sexy side with items that thrill you really pushes you to owning your sexuality. Whether it's wearing a certain type of fabric or colour, treat yourself to enjoying your sexy side.
Sex is something to be enjoyed and the world that we live in sometimes tries to steal that from us. Enjoying sex is nothing to be ashamed of. It's something to strive to. If there is no pleasure, then there is no point of sex. We are not vessels that simply procreate, we are humans that also enjoy pleasure.