A new mum has opened up about a recent altercation she had with her mother-in-law, which all stemmed from a disagreement over her baby’s sleep.
The mum, whose baby is two weeks old, took to Mumsnet to ask if she was being unreasonable for taking her baby off her mother-in-law after she’d deliberately woken her up.
Providing more context, the new mum said her daughter – who is breastfed – is a “terrible sleeper” at night. As a result, she’d only been getting a few hours sleep at night – but she noted her baby does manage to sleep quite a lot throughout the day.
The new mum claimed her mother-in-law had blamed her for her baby’s poor sleep and suggested she needed to keep her two-week-old awake in the day so she sleeps better at night.
“I have been ignoring her advice so far, as I know that it is completely normal for newborns to wake during the night,” wrote the mum.
But things took a turn for the worse when her mother-in-law visited and the newborn was fast asleep.
After the baby’s mum took a quick toilet break, she returned to find her mother-in-law had woken up her daughter and “was lifting her in the air and telling her to ‘wake up’.”
The shocked mum said her baby was “obviously still tired, could barely keep her eyes open and her head was flopping all over the place as she was still half asleep”.
“I immediately went over and took DD [dear daughter] from her and told her it’s perfectly normal for DD to be sleeping during the day and I don’t want her woken up,” she wrote.
To make matters worse, the mum said her husband was now angry with her and had taken sides with his mother. He also agreed they should be keeping their baby awake in the day.
“They are making me feel unreasonable for wanting to just let my baby sleep. I am not going to spend my day waking up my newborn every time she falls asleep,” said the mum.
At this point, the Mumsnet community stepped in and unanimously agreed she was not being unreasonable.
“They’re beyond stupid,” wrote one angered commenter. “Rest up when the baby is asleep and ignore them – better still, get them to do some research.”
Another added: “No you weren’t being unreasonable. Two week old babies sleep a lot obviously and wake a lot during the night. You could keep the baby awake all day and they’d still wake at night because they need to eat!”
They’re right. According to NHS advice, most newborn babies are asleep more than they are awake.
Their total daily sleep varies, but can be from eight hours up to 18 hours. Babies are also more likely to wake during the night because they need to be fed.
Paediatrician Leigh Anne Newhook told Today’s Parent that for the first six to eight weeks most newborns have their days and nights “mixed up”.
What’s more, breastfed babies are more prone to nighttime shenanigans because a mother’s oxytocin and prolactin levels are elevated at night, which means they produce more milk. This means their baby is more likely to want to feed.
There are instances when a newborn should be woken up however. It’s recommended that babies are fed every two to three hours. The Cleveland Clinic recommends parents do not let newborns sleep longer than five hours at a time in the first five to six weeks.