Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Keeping the magic in Christmas by yelling DON’T OPEN THE AMAZON BOXES from the other room.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 19, 2019
No one:
— MumInBitsmas (@MumInBits) December 18, 2019
3: mummy always burns our food
Dear Santa
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 17, 2019
Can you bring my kids some reasonable expectations this year?
Thanks
3: MOMMY
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 18, 2019
Me: *walks in immediately*
3: Finally, I’ve been waiting for you a thousand years!
My kids are the reason I breathe; they’re also the reason I swear, cry, yell, and eat waaay more carbs than I probably should.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 19, 2019
Me: Stop fighting.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2019
7-year-old: We're not fighting.
Me: Then what are you doing?
7: Talking loudly about horses.
Me, calling for my toddler:
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) December 18, 2019
Me, calling the older kid: *Toddler comes running*
My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 19, 2019
3: Dick mint! Dick mint!
— Marissa 🎄♥️❄️ (@michimama75) December 17, 2019
My mom: um...what?!?
3: DICK MINT!
Me: *sigh* I taught her the word “predicament”. I’m so sorry.
"Skye is a Labradoodle."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 19, 2019
"No, she's a Cockapoo."
-My wife and I arguing about "Paw Patrol," proving that children do indeed kill the romance.
Motherhood fills your life with such joy and at the same time makes it so dull that you now look forward to things like having a Diet Coke.
— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) December 15, 2019
4yo with a toy: "This toy is old so it's broken. We need to throw it out."
— 🎄 Stay at Homies 🎄 (@stayathomies) December 16, 2019
Me: "It's not broken."
4yo: "But it's old. When things get old you have to throw them out."
Me: "You told me the other day I was old."
4yo: *looks me up and down* "Mmm hmm..."
If you’re helping your kid with their math homework and you both get the same answer but they tell you that you did it wrong just throw the whole damn kid away.
— Crockett™️ (@CrockettForReal) December 19, 2019
my 6 y/o just saw this pic as I was scrolling and said look it's the new Star Wars! pic.twitter.com/2h8eOpp32T
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 18, 2019
I love that thing I do where I get frustrated at my kids for whining about stupid stuff and yet here I am crying cause I’m out of my creamer.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 17, 2019
Move out of the way, I have to pee so bad it’s SHAKING MY BONES.
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) December 19, 2019
-my son this morning
8: I don’t want to have bunk beds anymore.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 19, 2019
Me: Why not?
8: What if my brother falls through & crushes me while I’m sleeping?
Me: That won’t happen.
8: Are you sure? He’s one real heavy son of a bleep!
Christmas prep is like college finals week: late nights, massive carb consumption, & the panic of knowing I should have started much sooner.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 19, 2019
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