The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
“can you explain the gaps in your resume?” yes that was when I worked really weird jobs that I don’t want you to know about
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 18, 2023
My dad showed me how to change the oil in my car and I showed him you can move the hood up and down to make it look like the car is saying “nom nom nom I love oil delicious oil”
— Tots (@dumbface5000) April 19, 2023
Me: *sweating, short of breath, wondering how many more minutes are left in the workout*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 15, 2023
Fitness instructor: So now that we are done with the warmup
When someone is googling to fact check me and I know I’m right pic.twitter.com/BJvBn9oogr
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) April 18, 2023
women weren't even allowed to have a credit card in their own name until 1974 so it's actually super empowering of me to have three maxed out credit cards
— chase (@_chase_____) April 17, 2023
BECAUSE YOU ORDERED SOUP pic.twitter.com/L1oFLBnmcs
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) April 18, 2023
“so do you have any hobbies” yeah lately i’ve been really into worrying
— real U.S. senator trash jones (@jzux) April 17, 2023
of course i’m gonna put all my eggs in one basket??? what’s the alternative, carrying like 12 different baskets for each egg? that’s impractical, i would look like a fool
— Alex Murdoch (@alexgmurd) April 17, 2023
“Siobhan, do you remember when we first knew one another? The first time in France when I flew to you? And it was that very difficult time for you and I’d sent you all those handwritten notes.. and you were wearing that very fine silk shirt.” pic.twitter.com/qaQ6BWtDBA
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) April 17, 2023
Sorry, but responding to “sir, you are yelling” with “SO IS THE BABY” while screaming about a baby crying on an airplane is the funniest thing anyone has ever said.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 19, 2023
lowkey in my laura ingalls wilder bag tonight (cooked a delicious porridge*, washed some clothes by hand, mended a torn dress, studied a map for an upcoming journey)
— folu (@notfolu) April 21, 2023
the biggest surprise of today is finding out how many people care about Love Is Blind
— abby govindan (@abbygov) April 17, 2023
I'm walking with my chihuahua and a guy on the street said "yo, Taco Bell dog got a hot mom" and that's the only catcalling I will tolerate.
— Lane Moore📕Los Angeles 4/23, NYC 4/29 (@hellolanemoore) April 15, 2023
no this is good let them talk pic.twitter.com/QzffK1jDyL
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) April 20, 2023
Dress shopping is terrible because I know what I want (the green atonement dress) and I know I will never find it
— Molly (@notrealMolly) April 20, 2023
everyone thinks they had overprotective parents until i tell them that my mom wouldn’t let me go to the gym on the day of the boston bombings because “the killer is still at large.” we didn’t even live in massachusetts
— latke (@latkedelrey) April 18, 2023
The Crying Baby discourse reminds me of when a FB friend wrote a full paragraph explaining why parents who struggle to soothe their babies shouldn’t bring them in public and his MOM replied “shut the fuck up D you had colic and explosive diarrhea the first two yrs of your LIFE”
— Maladroithe (@Maladroithe) April 20, 2023
This is actually fine with me as long as they preserve the artistic integrity of the project by casting a huge lesbian and a dude who's visibly plotting to kill his agent https://t.co/vrm0zX5ysL
— Lindsay King-Miller (@AskAQueerChick) April 20, 2023
Look, I'm just going to say it. It's completely unfair that my dog cannot come on vacation to Europe with me next week. He works very hard and deserves to see the world too.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) April 20, 2023
taking care of my outer child (my son)
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 19, 2023
If you can figure out which corner of the clean sheet goes on which corner of the bed on the first try, I feel like that’s what you should lead with on your resume.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 16, 2023
“ i guess as you get older, being good at the internet isn’t that cool anymore” -me desperately trying to justify getting my “patient portal” password wrong 4 times
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 19, 2023