The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
if you’re someone who always posts about your partner and you guys suddenly break up and all traces of them are gone from your socials we need answers. We didn’t ask to be a part of this but you dragged us in. Congrats on your clean break but we need closure.
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 8, 2023
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me a laptop and said:
— mariana Z (@mariana057) April 9, 2023
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Eventually he called me and said:
"Bring my laptop back now.”
I said: "$200 and it’s yours.”
What's Joe Biden's plan for keeping Pete Davidson away from Taylor Swift?
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) April 8, 2023
my mom finally married her partner of 20+ years. “no worries, just wanted to share” lmao 😭 pic.twitter.com/f5qtQYaEDV
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 11, 2023
I dropped my dog at his goop ass hippie daycare (I know) and they told me he is the very first friend that this v.scared rescue dog has ever made in his 8 years of life. Anyway, what I’m saying is, I get why people put dogs in their wills now.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) April 11, 2023
putting together some intriguing arrangements for the potential new landlords touring my place today pic.twitter.com/IMDbC9J1OI
— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) April 8, 2023
me: i feel ok about myself today
— trash jones (@jzux) April 11, 2023
tiktok: here are 10 of the skinniest women you’ve ever seen in your life
toddler just cried nonstop next to me on flight for hours and kept leaning over the aisle and grabbing my thigh and the mom said hehe terrible twos little does she know I have the terrible twenties so im gna put her son in the overhead compartment
— 🤙🏻soso🤙🏻 (@sophiebuddle) April 9, 2023
"how do u know i don't have an iPhone?" pic.twitter.com/TgLMbGFRON
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) April 10, 2023
My sister and I are sat having KFC when she says she misses the lemon flavour packets they used to give out and I was like ??? they were lemon wipes for your hands?? and her face dropped.
— mental queen (@shannnnnnnnnonn) April 13, 2023
Turns out she used to squeeze the lemon wipes onto her chicken 😭😂😭😂
trojan horse but it’s just full of dogs that i’m trying to sneak into a bar
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) April 8, 2023
There needs to be a pop-up video version of SVU where it tells you what else you know the guest stars from.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 13, 2023
You look like you commute to work in a hot air balloon https://t.co/M6hbvbsqPQ
— Eva ''Buff Girlfriend'' (@ayyy_vuh) April 12, 2023
how I would describe my novel to you is that everyone in my hometown texted me about how they were excited to read it and then they started it and it's been like radio silence lol
— delia (@delia_cai) April 8, 2023
Doctor’s offices be like, “Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 10, 2023
I just tried to order Indian food in Bethesda and this is hilarious: pic.twitter.com/H6EccABzcy
— Aditi Shekar (@aditishekar) April 8, 2023
as a 90s kid it blows my mind the most famous culkin and olsens now are kieran and elizabeth
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) April 12, 2023
girls only want one thing and it’s for rats to be vindicated for their wrongful conviction as the driving force of the bubonic plague
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) April 13, 2023
Looking for houses to buy and I absolutely need to know wtf is going on with this situation pic.twitter.com/eKJQvz1hFH
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 12, 2023
This fine man was flirting with me and buying me drinks last night so I gave him my number and he gon say “I have a son.” I’m like ok? Then he goes “and I have a baby momma” I’m like duh. Then he says “and we together” … sir, why you ain’t just say “I have a gf” 😂😂😂
— DJ GOT.A.LOT (@DJGotALot) April 8, 2023
I'm not sure I believe in ghosts, but if ghosts are real I definitely have a lot of thoughts on what they can or can't do. For instance, I don't think they can lie but I do think they can get pregnant.
— Grace Freud (@GraceGFreud) April 11, 2023
gentlemen, we are gathered here today by my milkshake.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) April 11, 2023
The best thing about my Twitter timeline now is seeing tweets I don’t want to see from accounts I don’t follow about things I don’t care about
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) April 13, 2023