03/05/2018 18:54 BST

A Particularly Virulent Strain Of The Tory 'Power Pose' Has Gone Local

There appears to be no antidote.

A disturbing outbreak of Tory power posing is sweeping the nation in the midst of local election polling.

Symptoms include an exaggerated spreading of the extremities, a forced smile, with around one in six of those affected being struck with extreme embarrassment. 

It’s believed Patient Zero was MP for Rochford and Southend East, James Duddridge, who appears to have caught a particularly wide variant from a cup of spiked English Breakfast early yesterday morning.

The awkward affliction was next spotted in Chiswick - attempts are being made to contact the chap second from right to see if feigned indifference provides adequate protection. 

Initial relief that only Tories were affected was soon dashed when budding Labour council candidate, Dan Greef, was struck down right in the middle of telling someone a rather saucy secret.

Less than an hour later, in a West London backyard, five Tories in the midst of a communal dog-petting (he’s still there if you look closely) were the next to suffer.

Patient Zero was last seen around 15:35 in Thorpe, unsurprisingly sporting a new pair of trousers with a much looser fit.

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