PARENTS
02/01/2018 12:06 GMT

Mums Discuss How To Respond When People Ask: 'Was Your Pregnancy Planned?'

'Why do you ask?' 🤔

Telling your friends, family and colleagues that you’re pregnant is an exciting moment.

But there’s nothing that dampens the mood more than someone replying to your baby news with the question: “Was it planned?”

It might seem like an innocent question - especially if the person asking it is close to you - but it’s not always easy to answer. 

This is a topic parents on Mumsnet are debating after one woman wrote: “So far have just told parents [I’m pregnant] and both sets asked either ‘was it planned?’ or said ‘I take it he/she wasn’t planned?’” 

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The Mumsnet user continued: “I’m fine with this from them [my family] but I know I’ll get it from friends and colleagues. While I could say ‘I’ll tell you when it becomes your business’, I don’t want to, so how can I close it down politely?”

The thread had more than 100 comments from women who had been in the same boat. 

Here are some of the best answers you could give if you get asked this question:

1. “We’re really pleased.”

One Mumsnet user wrote: “Ooh, we had this question! My shutdown was a big smile and ‘we’re really pleased’. Neither confirming nor denying.

“It was most effective. Sadly, I never got the chance to use my next line: ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you wanted to know how often we were having sex and whether we were using contraception?’”

2. “Of course.”

“I had this off a friend of a friend, barely knew her,” one mum wrote. “I just said of course it was planned with a sickly smile on my face, but if I’d have been quicker thinking, I would have given her something to gossip about.” 

3. “Most things in life aren’t.”

One mum’s answer was simply: “I used to say ‘most things in life aren’t, but still very welcome!’” 

4. “Wow, that’s personal.”

“I used to do a little fake laugh and say lightly ‘wow that’s a bit personal’,” said one mum.

5. “Why do you ask?”

Answer their question with a question, one mum advised: “It doesn’t come across as rude, but subtly shows people they’re being rude.”

6. “I’ll forgive your rudeness.”

Or more specifically, as one mum said: “If you’ll forgive my rudeness in not answering your question, I’ll forgive yours in asking it.”

7. “I wanted anal.”

If someone asking you this question has made you feel awkward, then one mum suggested answering it in a way that will make them feel equally awkward.

“I say: ‘Nope, I wanted anal and he slipped’, it usually quietens them down pretty quickly,” she wrote.

8. “I love sex.”

Or make them feel awkward by professing your love of having sex with your husband.

“I did tell one person that pregnancy wasn’t planned but I love having sex with my husband and it was a happy side effect,” said one mum.

9. *Laughs*

“When I fell pregnant with my nearly three-year-old, a mum at the school who had never spoke to me before walked up and said: ‘I heard your news, was it planned?’ I laughed and told her congratulations would have been fine,” one mum wrote.

10. *Says nothing*.

“I just walked away, that told them” one mum wrote. 

Read the full Mumsnet thread here

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