But how about my kids? How am I with them? At my worst, I'm unable to cope with them. I can't engage, I don't want to play, getting myself up, dressed and fed is sometimes beyond me. Often, all I'm capable of is sitting and staring at a wall for hours on end. I resent every demand that's made of me, I want to be left alone, utterly and completely.
The feeling of being trapped is a horrible feeling, when pushed into the corner we usually make irrational choices that further worsen the situation and prolong the suffering. If you're feeling trapped, with debts increasing and that light at the end of the tunnel is appearing further away then GET HELP! Remove any pride from your situation and reach out; you'll thank me if you do!
I am always immensely uncomfortable when anyone tries to put a monetary value on dementia, purely because I know that there is so much more to calculating the 'cost' of dementia than could ever be accurately represented by the use of pound signs. The emotional, all-encompassing, life-changing (and life-shortening) effects of dementia reach far and wide into every family affected.
As a comedian, feminism is something that pops up in discussion for me relatively often. I'm often asked to comment in blogs or interviews on whether there are enough women in comedy, whether we are treated differently and even whether or not we are actually very funny (I mean, I know right?!). So it's obviously a subject that I think a lot about.
Martinhal prides itself on offering barefoot chic at the beach and my friend and hairdresser, Nancy and I, who have come to experience Martinhal's first yoga week, don't put our shoes on all week. We patter from our beautiful wooden cubed beach room with beachfront view to our 'pod' complete with beanbags, overlooking the ocean.
We are waiting for the kids to fall asleep so we can drink like civilized people: sitting on the corridor outside the cabin. The depths to which one sinks as a parent never cease to amaze. We could have just gone to bed at the same time as the children and listened to them not falling asleep. But we are on Holiday!
I can still recall those early days when our second daughter was born in June 2012, endless tears; long periods of inactivity, terrified to leave the house caused by an unbearable anxiety and despite being surrounded by loved ones a feeling I can only describe as utter emptiness and isolation. This is how I remember seeing my wife in the summer of 2012. My heart still sinks when I think that at the moment our little treasure was born a part of my beloved wife died.
I made a promise to myself while recovering from my injuries to always put family and friends needs before anything else. In the ensuing years I have managed to keep this promise. What I could not foresee was how this vow would be tested when I was torn between both family and a friend, at the same time, in the past two months.
Hubby is a patient man. Strong, loving, considerate too, but mostly patient (in the extreme). He has a tough job sometimes - he has me. Granted, I have my good points (too many to list, obviously) but then there's also that nasty cloud/dog/bubble aspect just waiting in the wings, ready to pounce as soon as I let my guard down. And when it pounces on me, it pounces on him too.