My first loss was shocking...it was submerged with a host of other feelings, mostly denial. I didn't want to be that one in four who lost a baby; I felt I could almost pretend I hadn't lost a baby, and that would erase the miscarriage.
By her first birthday, I was entirely inconsistent in my reactions to her wakings - cry it out one day, earth mother the next - and I resigned myself to fact I was DEFINITELY doing it all wrong. I was a pathetic parent, but too angsed-out to care.
She didn't tell anyone about this, not her husband, not her family and not her friends. She lied on the post natal questionnaire for fear that her baby would be taken off of her if anyone found out how much she was struggling.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to try and reach out to others who were going through to had been through similar things and felt that they didn't have anyone to talk to about their feelings.
Paul called the emergency services and then relayed the conversation telling me I needed to take off my trousers. OMFG. I was having this baby at home!!! So I managed to make it back up the stairs and into the bathroom.
I was about six weeks pregnant when I tried to reduce my current dose of antidepressants, when my GP suggested that I tried but that if I couldn't cope she would still be happy to prescribe my original dose and then a higher one if necessary.
Being in an environment that feels familiar is a huge plus point when it comes to feeling safe. In hypnobirthing we explain how these feelings release the positive hormones and emotions that make it easier for us to give birth, often more comfortably, quickly and enjoyably.
How do you know you're really ready to be a parent? Is there a point in life where it clicks in your head and says "Yes, now you've ticked all the boxes so here you go, one child coming up!"? Or are we ever really ready for all the different things that come with being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child?
No matter how you come about being a parent (through your body, through fostering and adoption) and no matter how you gave birth (natural, with drugs, no drugs, 'wish I'd had drugs', C-section) I am pretty sure we will all agree: this is a 24/7 job.
Resentful that the hordes of visitors are infinitely more interested in the baby than you, even though YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DID THE AGONY? That's OK. You're still a good mother.
There have been some major changes occuring this week... The Uggs have been replaced with loafers (more so because I can no longer get them on), I am back to walking the 100 yards to Scarlett's nursery instead of shamelessly driving it, and last years daffodils have made a fresh appearance in my garden pots!
I am not pinning my hopes on this baby arriving on time! I am however, slowly but surely getting the house together and sorting things out in preparation for the little ones arrival. So starting with the hospital bag, I wanted to share with you what I would be packing.
Baby showers might be a fairly recent trend in the UK, but there are so many online sites catering for this celebration that really make the day personal for the new 'mum to be'.
One of the biggest expenses you'll face when your little bundle of joy enters the world is a new travel system. After several unsuccessful purchases, I can now say with total confidence that what I am about to tell you should be at the forefront of your decision making process when choosing your buggy!
The propaganda about motherhood starts in pregnancy, when people cross crowded rooms to stroke your bump, and tell you, misty-eyed, how much they miss those early days and what a wonderful mother you will be.
Being in any healthcare environment for any reason can feel disempowering for a patient. Effective communication between healthcare professionals and patients can help build trusting relationships, improve patient outcomes and patients' experiences.