13/11/2014 06:46 GMT | Updated 12/01/2015 05:59 GMT

Five Reasons to Love Your Fat Ass

It ain't going anywhere.

I use the term 'fat ass' as a metaphor for the attributes about yourself which you wouldn't list as your favourite. Your small boobs, your fuzzy hair, your big feet, your glass eye (Ok, actually you're allowed not to love your glass eye) Your 'fat ass' unless recently acquired, is a part of you - as are the other things you dislike about your person.

Not only is it likely to stay but the self-loathing of it will not make it go away. With this in mind, you either accept it and learn to love it or you do something about it but, either way ...

If you don't love it no one else will.

Urgg, it's boring isn't it, but man, it's true. Expecting somebody else to love your ass (read: yourself) without you doing it first is like serving people food at a dinner party you wouldn't dream of touching yourself. Yes, ok, they might eat it to be polite, might even like it, but they'll think that something is wrong with it because you won't go near it.

The same goes for you, when you don't love yourself you'll plant the seed of doubt in other people. Loving yourself, or at the very least, liking yourself, gives people the security and go ahead to do it aswell.

Own that naked booty.

One man's trash (or should that be junk) is another man's treasure and you'd be amazed at how little other people notice the things you hate about yourself - especially men, in bed. Question when the last time was you got naked in front of a man and he screamed, ran out of the house and text you an hour later to say he'd never seen anything so revolting and was currently looking online for intensive counselling courses within the area? No, I thought not.

You see, 99% of men really couldn't give an arse - fat or otherwise - about a bit of cellulite and the odd stray hair (I'm nearly 40, trust me, when you get to my age you'll find hair on parts of your body you never knew existed). What men do care about when you are standing in front of them naked, is your vagina and at what speed they are going to be able to insert their penis into it.

You are so far from perfect it's ridiculous.

So why try to aim for it? But here's the good news - being perfect is totally boring. Not only do you have to spend your life living up to your own and other people's expectations of perfection but faults are sexy. They make you individual and edgy - why do you think of all the copy and paste supermodels, Kate Moss is the most successful? Because she's a bit short (by supermodel standards), her teeth are a bit wonky, she smokes too many fags and doesn't care what people think of her. In short, she isn't perfect but she has character and sex appeal.

Your arse is big? Great, love it, own it and it will go from fat ass to super hot booty in no time.

What you hate now you'll love in ten years time.

I look at pictures of myself when I was younger and remember how huge I felt that day. Not pictures of me at an American summer fat camp, pictures of me as a size 8 seventeen-year-old looking nothing short of utterly amazing. I look at pictures of myself at twenty-five and remember feeling old and pictures of myself as a pretty fresh-faced twenty-one-year-old and not feeling good enough. And I'm not the only one. How many times have we heard our friends say, 'Urgg I'm so fat!' when they are in great shape or 'I'm not pretty enough to date him!' When you think that they're hot enough to have anyone they want. What's my point? It's that you'll regret not loving yourself in ten years time.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it's a shame that it takes that to see what we have now. Stop waiting until it's too late to realise how great you look (and yes, you do look great - trust me, you feel it, you'll look it). Of course you're not a supermodel (Well you might be but it's unlikely if you're learning how to love your fat ass). Few of us are, but so what? Waste your life worrying about it or start to say no to the negativity and enjoy what you have.

The bottom line is (you see what I did there) you are never going to please all of the people all of the time. What you can do however, is start pleasing yourself.

Recognise what you have and start to enjoy it - what's sexier, a skinny butt or amazing self-confidence? I'll let you decide.