25/09/2014 07:45 BST | Updated 24/11/2014 05:59 GMT

What Kind of Week Has It Been? 26 September 2014

The forgotten speech paragraphs of news

Rest easy, Unionists. Your long, national (potentially international) nightmare is over. But, fear and Lothian assuaged, mere seconds after the result the Scottish lovebomb detonated, and the right-leaning English leaders of the better together UK started wondering out loud how they could make it all about them again. Nigel Farage, who presumably has a a bag of kittens hanging by a rope he promises to cut if the BBC don't interview him whenever he wants, showed how much he loves the Union by saying the feckless block grant Scots have had their fun and now it was time for down at heel English people to have their say. Because the Mother of flippin' Parliaments isn't enough for some people.

While Farage goes to bat for the Buckinghamshire Local Assembly or whatever, David Cameron too has started talking about English laws for English people. If that sounds a bit embarrassingly parochial, it was nothing on the mortification scale compared to him telling Michael Bloomberg in a UN building that the Queen purred down the phone when she discovered Scotland was staying put. Just as well it was in public: If he was in a private plenary session, he might have described the Queen's cum face.

Also at the UN this week was actor and friend of ice cream men Emma Watson, whose speech on feminism in front of the assembly got the reaction most politicians would kill for (although some in attendance at the UN would kill for much less). Well, the reaction in the room, on social media and in about 90% of the papers was pretty great. The other 10%, not so much. Actually, maybe more than 10%.

If their editorial staffs' grandmothers knew that's how they spent their days they'd no doubt be ashamed, although if recent news of grannies is anything to go by, they may be too absorbed in their weed growing and rap music to notice. Last week it was reported that tech savvy grandmas were signing off their messages on Facebook, only to accidentally tag Grandmaster Flash. And this week, a woman called into her local gardening show to ask what on earth that shrub with the weird smell was. Expect a lot of lads who look like Kid Rock calling up Gardeners' Question Time trying to get rid of their stash the same way. Or failing that, they could always call ex-news journalist Charlo Greene.

So while Alaska's newest reefer representative cleans house, in Ireland Minister Brendan Howlin is proposing a few sweeping law changes himself, in his case wiping some ancient statutes off the books. He better be careful though, as removing some of these measures could be quite unpopular. What if Irish people like being at war with Denmark, or having a day of fasting and humiliation on account of the bubonic plague of London?.