Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on George Osborne's Autumn Statement, David Cameron's PMQS gaffe and Gordon Brown's decision to stand down from parliament? Here's the political week in 60 seconds...
David Cameron's speech last Friday was just one more, in a long line of over-spun media stunts. His Conservative party has sacrificed more than a decade's worth of life chances for the people of this country on a cross of lies.
Brand has not all the answers, nor does he claim to, but he has heart, sense, influence, and energy. Brand has re-Branded himself, and now he is re-Branding politics and activism, then selling it to young people so they will understand better that their society and its future is in their hands
Michael Dugher MP has announced that he has decided to "stop demonising motorists and start championing them", going on to say that governments have seen motorists as a "cash cow" and have been creaming cash off them with fuel taxes and penalties". The reality is of course very far from this.
In the first 10 days of #CameronMustGo trending on Twitter there have been in excess of half a million tweets using the hashtag. Behind in the polls, with Ukip snapping at his ankles like a Pekingese, the mass vote of no confidence in the prime minister is the last thing he needs as he hurtles towards the general election...
The Internet is a vast place. Bigger than anyone, except a computer scientist, can imagine. It's a massive iceberg. What we see via Google and any other search engine is called the Clearnet and is potentially less than two per cent of what's actually out there, buried deep down in the Darknet or Deep Web.
"We won't raise taxes", "We will not allow university fees to go up", "We'll cut the deficit" and "Net migration will fall to 100,000." All of these are well-known, fairly recent 'promises' made by politicians which also happen to be, in effect, lies, as the matter was in their control and they failed to carry out on what they said, or pledges which could never be kept as it was not in the their power to do so.
Britain needs to stop romanticising 'us' and stop demonising 'them'. Britain needs embrace it immigrant hordes for the incredible resources that they are, and reclaim its rightful place as a power broker in the 21st Century. But first, Britain needs to stop being afraid.
Russian money is now essential for the City. Russians make massive donations to Conservative Party funds. And while David Cameron's ministers can get tough with a pick-up artist from America they will not move against put-to-death artists from Russia if they are backed by Putin.
Sticking to a net migration target that means nothing is simply not the way forward. We need a government who will make promises it can keep and ensure that we remain a key player in the world to help us create the jobs of the future. David Cameron has shown again today why his government will not and cannot do that.
If we want an informed debate, it would help if the immigration figures mean what the public thinks they mean. Figures should be accurate, with long-awaited entry and exit checks implemented. They should be reported in a way that makes sense to people.
On Sunday, many news outlets were reporting that psychological abuse and coercive control were going to be criminalised. Some articles used sensational headlines to grab attention, leading to comments that complained of a "nanny state", arguing that such a law was unenforceable.
The immigration Rubicon is in front of us. The question is whether the prime minister is ready to cross it. On the other side lies controlling EU migration by quotas. What's left is the option of controlling migration by ending in work and out of work benefits. If the Prime Minister chooses quotas he will have crossed an irreversible line.
You can judge just how committed a politician is to selling off hospitals, outsourcing manufacturing to China, eliminating workers rights and pricing the next generation out of an education by how loudly they sneer at everyone else for being "a snob". It's an old song but it's hit the top of the charts once again thanks to Emily Thornberry.
The Conservative Party is leaking support across the board, and constituency opinion polls show them on course to perform worse in the marginal seats that they hold than elsewhere in the country. Why, many people are asking, isn't Cameron's leadership under serious threat?
In the Cath Kidson filled kitchen, we find dear Ed; flailing about as he simultaneously tries to get his soufflé to rise; and convince Dappy, E L James, and Joeys Essex and Barton to play ball over VAT reform.