Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on David Cameron's conference speech on Wednesday? And on the Tory defections to Ukip? Here's the political week in 60 seconds.
Perhaps I'm being naive but I can no longer accept that things have to be the way they are now, that clobbering the poor and vulnerable is a rational answer to mending our future. We can do things another way, and in time I'm sure we will.
Prime Minister Cameron was right to rule out any co-operation with Assad in the fight against ISIS. He was also right not to seek Parliament's support for possible action in Syria. In the House of Lords, former Chief of the General Staff Lord Dannatt warned that "attacking ISIL in Iraq but not in Syria is dealing with half the problem"...
The dropping of terror charges yesterday against celebrated human rights activist and ex-Guantanamo detainee Moazzam Begg, after having been detained for seven months on grounds of facilitating terrorism at a Syrian training camp, speaks volumes about the self-defeating direction of Britain's failed counter-terrorism policies...
I had the pleasure of hearing David Cameron's speech in Birmingham yesterday after spending the last few days at the Tory conference campaigning for apprenticeships. To my mind, he won the election right then and there.
The Conservatives are the party of business - in the eyes of many in the Conservative Party, the ground gained by Labour amongst business under Tony Blair has been left vacant. The announcements made by Labour at their conference have emboldened Tory supporters to believe that can go out and secure the business vote once again.
David Cameron and George Osborne have presided over an unprecedented cost of living crisis. Yet listening to the Prime Minister on Wednesday you might be left with the impression that the economy has been fixed and that life is getting easier for most people. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.
Conference season comes hard on the breathtakingly long holiday that our diligent representatives enjoy in the summer. It is so long, it straddles both Spring and Autumn and would probably subsume Winter, if they did not also get a stonking great break over Christmas.
When the Home Secretary said "British values will prevail in the end" against extremism, if she's talking about freedom of speech, then she's certainly missed a trick. The fact that surfaces with the revelation of these measures under the banner of "British Values" is in reality a demonization of a single community - a community just like any other.
When I was younger, I claimed housing benefit and JSA solidly for a year. I did it so I could live in a place where I could find a job I could turn into a meaningful career, a meaningful existence. I grew up in an area short of prospects, short of jobs. I did not have parents who could fund a year long series of internships. I had to rely on the state to get me on my feet.
Six weeks ago, I wrote: "We should be in no doubt: we, the West, are back in Iraq." And so it has come to pass. It is difficult to see how it could have been otherwise, once the murderers of Islamic State (or Isis or Isil, take your pick) started killing American and British journalists and aid workers on video. ... We have entered a bizarre Alice in Wonderland world in which Washington, Tehran, Damascus, Riyadh and Doha all seem to be lining up on the same side. The Saudis, Qataris and Emiratis even seem to have deployed some of their own aircraft, which I suppose at least proves that they do know what they're for.
To save lives and protect human rights, the genocidal fundamentalists of ISIS must be stopped. But not by the West and not for the reasons often advanced by David Cameron and Barack Obama... The truth is that if the US and UK are serious about fighting ISIS they should start by aiding the people on the ground who know the region best, have local roots and who are already leading the fight against the jihadist menace - the peshmerga army of the Kurdish regional government in Iraq and guerrillas from the Kurdistan Workers Party and allied movements in Syria.
So while Alaska's newest reefer representative cleans house, in Ireland Minister Brendan Howlin is proposing a few sweeping law changes himself, in his case wiping some ancient statutes off the books. He better be careful though, as removing some of these measures could be quite unpopular.
As with the Scottish referendum, so with climate: there are two options - change, or be changed irreversibly. The consequences of either have sod all to do with politicians, but in the latter the entire planet is screwed.
Air strikes alone won't defeat ISIL. The organisation is clearly goading the West into direct confrontation. Once we get the first pictures of Muslim women and children killed by US missiles, no matter how isolated these incidents would be, that would up the ante in ISIL's propaganda war. This is when allies like Saudi Arabia and Qatar will get cold feet.
The dust has seemingly started to settle after the Scottish people decided that we are, indeed, better together, but it has led to a period of uncertainty that has the danger to damage both countries, the Union and our economy if it's not resolved.