So let's say the royal couple have two children and want to send them both to prep school at seven, followed by five years at a leading public school. Time to start saving? Or at least to ask the grandparents if they've considered downsizing?
For most the symptoms will be nothing more than mild nausea, but for others it can be more severe, with an inability to hold down food throughout the day and often lasting for weeks if not months. The good news is that usually the symptoms pass quickly, and if you follow my simple practical tips, can be kept under control.
Rest assured that this is a very early present for the PR industry. PRs will be peddling their wares and attaching products and brand events onto the media charabang at every opportunity. Sales speak stronger than sentiment, and the baby care PR pixies have been stat-spinning like a tribal dervish overcome by super-strength hallucinogenic cacti.
These two DJs are now also the victims and they are hurting. They look as if they are two tormented souls. They obviously feel as if they have caused this tragic death, this is evident in the interview. Never in my time have I ever seen two people's faces more wracked with guilt or more riddled with remorse.
By the time the Duchess left the King Edward VII Hospital, back to her professional, smiling self, there can't have been a media outlet across the world that hadn't carried the news that she was expecting. Of course as we all now know, sad to say, the story did not end there. Hilarity at a prank call to the hospital by two Australian DJs, turned to horror as news broke towards the end of the week that the nurse who had taken the call had allegedly committed suicide.
Whilst I'm jubilant along with the rest of the world that Kate and William are expecting their precious bundle of joy, I'd really like to read somethi...
Let's coin a new term for the Royal Twins. Let's call them... The Pwins (Trademark pending). What if these twins happened to be a healthy little boy - and a healthy little girl... And now - the last and most wondrous step of all: What if the babies were delivered by Caesarean Section?
Monarchies codify the superiority of a man to a woman. A king always outranks a queen - a man always outranks a woman. The highest position in a royal house may never be occupied by a woman because the highest position is that of king, which is reserved for a man.
So ladies, if I can speak frankly, discovering you're pregnant by constantly throwing up your guts seems so unreasonable. It's an utter shock to both mind and body. Now I know that morning sickness is considered a common side effect to the early stages of pregnancy, but for some women it can be so much more debilitating than that. For a desperately unlucky few, it's potentially life threatening for the baby. My pregnancy experience was somewhere in the middle of the multi-coloured sickness spectrum.
As we enter seven or eight months of closely monitoring the Duchess of Cambridge's progress with her pregnancy, we should remember one vital thing: This pregnancy is happening to a father too.
Miserable though it may be to experience as a condition, in fact 'morning sickness' (if it's not of the rarer more severe kind), oddly enough, can be good news for a pregnancy. It's associated with lowered risk for miscarriage, pre-term birth, low birth weight, and perinatal death.
Does it matter - in the slightest - if our future King is not a dish? Does it matter if Prince William is not up there with the rest of the Euro-hunks like Prince Felipe of Spain or Prince Haakon of Norway?
Fertility rights are hugely important. But what's happening in (nee) Middleton's middle shouldn't be up for public discussion. It's fantastic that another royal is on the way but it would be even better if the press could stop the speculation on how it's gestating for the next half year.
You could be forgiven this week for thinking there was nothing more important going on in the world than the unveiling of semi-nude photos of the Duchess of Cambridge. On one side of the world, our future queen kept a never fading, gracious smile fixed for the cameras, as her nine-day tour of the Far East and South Pacific came to an end. On the other, her lawyers, magazine editors, media commentators and every one in-between had their say on the rights and wrongs of publishing the now infamous topless snaps.
Here's what's really at stake - these naked royalty photos are all about us "commoners" feeling the power. Just as much of the tabloids are filled with photos and stories of celebrities falling on their faces in some fashion - it makes us feel temporarily "better" than them.
Of course negative stories about women - their bodies and behaviour in particular - are the choice fodder of some sections of the British press.