My baby is one in a couple of weeks and all of a sudden it just feels so milestoney. Much to my surprise I've gone all knobheadish and smushy about it. I feel like I want to sniff his hair and drink in his babyness before he starts lobbing lightsabers at my head and asking me to pull his finger.
Right now feeding your infant would be like sticking a giant gin nipple in their face and syphoning off last night's post-3am Jaeger-Bombs... You've thrown up in your own hair and made the decision just to 'brush it in', and for the first hour you were awake this morning you couldn't remember how many children you actually had...
My weight-loss and toning achievements are results of hard work and dedication, not simply sitting around and relying on my gene pool. Yes, having a high fitness level pre-pregnancy does help your body to get active again post-labor but this alone is simply not enough.
As the surgeon who did my caesarean explained why I should have an emergency caesarian she looked almost like an angel to me. Within twenty minutes, my son was born.
This is it now, you know what's coming; you need to dig deep and find the strength within you to get through the night. But to help you, here are a few little reminders/tips on how to cope when the chips are down.
It's never straightforward, I was never just one type of breastfeeder. In exactly the same way I'm not just one type of mother or one type of person. I'm lots, all at once sometimes. Like everyone else. Phew, think I need a lie down.
I still look at my scar and it reminds me of the journey I've been on. It's my tattoo, my story, my reminder to be grateful. The lady photographed in Helen's picture has this and a beautiful photo to commemorate her triumph. I hope one day we can all look at it this way.
Today I wanted to speak out to all those new mums who at this moment are feeling tearful, lonely, beyond exhausted and perhaps slightly scared that they're going to get post-natal depression and I wanted to reassure you that what you're feeling is normal and that it will pass.
Toddlers have selective hearing, they will not hear you bellowing their name telling them TO COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW. NO I AM NOT JOKING. I AM COUNTING TO THREE..... ONE, TWO..... TWO AND A HALF... but they will hear you from three rooms away when you try to sneak a piece of chocolate.
They read her books about sleepy rabbits, tired bears and exhausted princesses. They sang her lullabies that instructed her to 'sleep, baby sleep' or to 'hush little baby' - yet still she remained wide-awake. (Not sleepy yet? Maybe I am reading it too quickly.)
Endless research claims having a baby ruins your love life. It may be temporary but post-childbirth you ain't gonna feel at your sexual peak. Scientific boffs reveal mums are worn out (yep), a few pounds over weight (sob) and stuck in a 'bed is for catching up on sleep' rut (hell yeah).
As I am feeling nicely organised this year, I thought I would share with you some of the products I have picked up to make travelling with kids that little bit easier! No longer is my greatest dilemma matching heels with bags, it is being prepared for almost every eventuality holidaying with children brings.
A bedtime story is the perfect ingredient for a good night sleep. Bedtime is one of the most important moments of the day for all children. Reading a bedtime story to a child helps them make the transition between their very busy and active day and the time to close their eyes, relax and sleep.
I recently took my seven-week-old to Vevey in Switzerland by train (that's a baby travel blog post to come!). The journey went well (we're still alive) thanks to good preparation (loco2 proved to be an easy-to-use train journey planner) and some key travel essentials...
We've had selfies, belfies, babies with crazy hair, hot dog legs, pet shaming and planking, so it was only a matter of time before #MilkDrunk babies became a thing. If you've been anywhere near social media in the past few days you'll have seen the avalanche of interest in this phenomenon known to parents everywhere.
So. You've had a baby. And it is now yours and your-multi-human-producing-vagina's god given right to social media the living shit out of your parenting journey. As smugly as possible. And here's my guide on how to do it.