Apparently asking your manager if they have a strategy is a fireable offence, while being a complete chaotic mess is heartily encouraged. That's the message we took away from Wednesday's episode of the Apprentice, anyway.
In previous series of the Apprentice at least one of the weekly tasks was carried out in a foreign country. However, with the recession biting - and the Eurostar costing marginally more than East Coast Trains - the Beeb decided to move the potential for an international incident closer to home this time around. To Edinburgh, in fact.
Thus with declining ratings for The Apprentice, and an ever fading authority on his subject matter, perhaps it's high time that m'Lord quit whilst he's still ahead, since perhaps it'll be him who'll be "finished, gone, kaput" by next Christmas.
As tasks go, forcing this group of self-styled 'business brains' to come up with gym session ideas was a bit unfair. After all, these are people who can barely cope with flogging ironic vintage tat to hipsters, which as challenges go is approximately 110% easier than convincing a dog to eat a Winalot sandwich.
What have Del Boy and the Apprentice candidates got in common? Well, nothing, as it happens: because whereas Del Boy could have made a fortune selling broken tat to idiots, his Apprentice counterparts couldn't sell half price cracked ice and miles and miles of carpet tiles if their lives (or rather careers) depended on it.
Where would we be without table sauce? We've been using it for thousands of years: the Romans even made one from pickled, rotten fish guts that makes Marmite look positively palatable in comparison.
This week, the Apprentice candidates had to design a 'useful' household product then pitch it to well known retailers Lakeland and Amazon. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? But bear in mind that these are people who couldn't find their rear ends with both hands, a sat nav and a detailed guide to human anatomy.
Lord Sugardaddy is back with another 16 young hopefuls all vying for his attention and a £250,000 investment in their business.
If you've been keeping track, you'll know that whoever wins this series will be the eighth apprentice Lord Sugar has taken on so far. But does he really need another? What happened to the others?
The Apprentice kicks off again on our screens next week and pictures have been released of the latest batch of candidates that will take part in the marathon job interview in order to gain investment from Lord Sugar. What struck me about the latest bunch - especially the boys - was their inability to dress properly.
Memories of the past are often forgotten quite easily though and as the Mayor of London Boris Johnson's Apprenticeship Ambassador I hanker for the days when the tagline an apprentice was not solely synonymous with a TV programme or seen as a second tier route for those not able to make it through the 'normal' academic route.
Harry Maxwell was the only person to recognise that over 50s can be people like his parents. For this reason and this reason alone he would be the one I would select. None of the other contestants demonstrated any understanding of the potential differences between a 50 year old and a 'pensioner'.
It's not telly, really, is it? It's a pseudo-intellectual catfight, reeled out under the banner of 'factual entrepreneurialism', and it's only on so that we can all look at our own kids and go, "Thank God they work at Tesco." All those free cans of beans add up, you know...
August is supposed to be a dead month, news-wise: 'silly season', the political commentators call it. But with the violence of a teenager throwing a wheelie bin through the window of JJB Sports, that rule has been destroyed.
Lord Sugar was so disgusted by the equally dismal performances put in by both sides of The Apprentice that he slapped a £100 fine on Natasha's team, though that may actually have just been a punishment for her repeated use of the word "operationally".