'Broadchurch' Star Sarah Parish Opens Up About Losing Eight-Month-Old Daughter | HuffPost Life

'We had never truly understood grief or loss.'

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Life editor at HuffPost UK

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Sarah Parish has opened up about the devastating loss of her eight-month-old daughter in 2009.

The ‘Broadchurch’ actress, 48, and her husband 42-year-old husband James Murray’s daughter Ella-Jayne died due to a heart defect caused by an uncommon condition called Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome.

“The day she died she took a bottle for the first time; she held our gaze and smiled into our eyes,” Parish wrote in the Daily Mail on 11 March.

“For Jim and I, it was very, very difficult and it left a huge hole in our lives. I now know that losing a child is the hardest thing to happen to anyone; that we had never experienced tragedy before she died.

“We had never truly understood grief or loss.”

Neil Mockford/Alex Huckle via Getty Images

Sarah Parish and husband Jim Murray.

Parish, who is mum to seven-year-old Nell born 10 months after Ella-Jayne died, said the death put a strain on her relationship with Murray.

She and her husband were grieving in different ways and she said it was difficult to know how to comfort one another in the right way.

But the actress said that setting up their charity - the Murray Parish Trust - in memory of their daughter was a way for them both to cope with their loss.

The charity raises funds for paediatric facilities across Hampshire, The Isle of Wight, Dorset, West Sussex, Devon, Surrey, Berkshire, Oxfordshire, Wiltshire and The Channel Islands.

Their latest challenge is to raise £4 million for a new Paediatric Emergency and Trauma Department (A&E) in Southampton to cover the entire South of England and The Channel Islands.

Parish said every year on her daughter’s birthday, she writes her a card. Eight months after, she and her husband mark another annual ritual on the day she died and “stay indoors with our memories”.

Parish previously opened up about losing her daughter in August 2016. The couple said they were ready to talk about the “saddest time in their lives” because they wanted to help others going through similar experiences.

Speaking to The Mirror, Parish said she was told at her 35-week scan her baby was “very small” for her dates. She had to be induced and had a caesarean. When Ella-Jayne was born she had to undergo blood transfusions and heart surgery.

She was diagnosed with Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome and the couple were told she could die within 24 hours.

After Ella-Jayne died at eight months, Parish and Murray volunteered abroad at a Cambodian orphanage for disabled youngsters.

“It helped put things into perspective because otherwise it’s very easy to think you’re the only people in the world to lose a child and go through something awful,” she said at the time.

The couple are currently organising a charity event called the “Ginormous Teddy Bear’s Picnic” from 5-11 June 2017. Find out more about the event here.

Before You Go

How To Help A Friend Through Miscarriage

Send Flowers(01 of15)

While not everyone is as open to talking about their feelings as I am, I think everyone loves to receive a bright bouquet of flowers –- it’s a nice way to say that you’re there for her, and you care, without forcing her to talk about her feelings. (credit:Getty)

Share Your Story(02 of15)

If you’ve gone through a similar experience, share your story with your grieving friend. While it’s unfortunate that miscarriage is so common, your friend can take comfort in not being alone. Knowing that others in their own network of friends have experienced the same thing makes it easier to work through the grieving process. (credit:Getty)

Pamper Her(03 of15)

There’s no better time for your friend to focus on taking care of themselves. A restful body will help to heal the mind. Gift your friend with a massage or a pedicure so she is forced to take time out to enjoy a little pampering. And if you can, join her! (credit:Getty)

Don’t Try To Tell Her That It'll All Be OK(04 of15)

Unfortunately, there isn’t really anything you can do to reassure your friend that they’ll feel better in a few weeks or months. It’s a grieving process –- one that affects everyone differently. All that you can do is lend an ear, hold a hand and wait it out with them. (credit:Getty)

Don't Pry(05 of15)

While you may be wondering what the doctors discovered or if your friend is going to try again -- wait for your friend to share those details with you. Don’t try to pry it out of her. She might not be ready to discuss the details with you yet, but if you let her know that you’re there for her and available if she wants to talk, then she will come to you when she's ready. (credit:Getty)

(06 of15)

1. Your fertility is mostly determined by genetics, which influences how many eggs you are born with. Doctors believe that the number of eggs you have at birth determines the length of time you will remain fertile. At birth, women have about two million eggs in their ovaries. For every egg ovulated during your reproductive life, about 1,000 eggs undergo programmed cell death. Other things, such as smoking cigarettes and certain types of chemotherapy, can accelerate egg cell death and promote an earlier menopause.

(07 of15)

2. Regular menstrual cycles are a sign of regular ovulation.Most women have regular cycles lasting between 24 and 35 days. This is usually a sign of regular, predictable ovulation. Women who do not ovulate regularly have irregular menstrual cycles. Those who do not ovulate at all may have a genetic condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).

(08 of15)

3. Basal temperature charting does not predict ovulation.An older method of tracking ovulation involves taking your oral body temperature each morning before getting out of bed. This is called basal body temperature. This method is used to spot a rise in basal temperature, which is a sign that progesterone is being produced. The main problem with using this method is that your temperature rises after ovulation has already occurred. This makes it more difficult to time intercourse at an optimal time for conception. A better method is to use over-the-counter urine ovulation predictor test kits such as Clearblue Easy. These kits test for the hormone that prompts ovulation, which is called luteinizing hormone (LH).

(09 of15)

4. Most women with blocked fallopian tubes are completely unaware they may have had a prior pelvic infection.About 10 percent of infertility cases are due to tubal disease, either complete blockage or pelvic scarring causing tubal malfunction. One major cause of tubal disease is a prior pelvic infection from a sexually transmitted disease such as chlamydia. These infections can cause so few symptoms that you may be completely unaware your tubes are affected. This is why fertility physicians will order a dye test of the tubes, called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), if you have been trying and failing to conceive for 6 months or longer.

(10 of15)

5. In most cases, stress does not cause infertility. Except in rare cases of extreme physical or emotional distress, women will keep ovulating regularly. Conceiving while on vacation is likely less about relaxation than about coincidence and good timing of sex.

(11 of15)

6. By age 44, most women are infertile, even if they are still ovulating regularly. Even with significant fertility treatment, rates of conception are very low after age 43. Most women who conceive in their mid-40's with fertility treatment are using donated eggs from younger women.

(12 of15)

7. Having fathered a pregnancy in the past does not guarantee fertility. Sperm counts can change quite a bit with time, so never assume that a prior pregnancy guarantees fertile sperm. Obtaining a semen analysis is the only way to be sure the sperm are still healthy!

(13 of15)

8. For the most part, diet has little or nothing to do with fertility. Despite popular press, there is little scientific data showing that a particular diet or food promotes fertility. One limited study did suggest a Mediterranean diet with olive oil, fish and legumes may help promote fertility.

(14 of15)

9. Vitamin D may improve results of fertility treatments. A recent study from the University of Southern California suggested that women who were undergoing fertility treatments, but had low vitamin D levels, might have lower rates of conception. This vitamin is also essential during pregnancy. At Pacific Fertility Center, we recommend our patients take 2,000-4,000 IU per day.

(15 of15)

10. Being either underweight or overweight is clearly linked with lowered levels of fertility. The evidence in recent years is that obesity is clearly linked with a longer time to conception. Having a body mass index less than 18 or over 32 is associated with problems ovulating and conceiving, as well as problems during pregnancy.

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