I think I managed a whole month and a half of avoiding him. Of course everyone I know was ecstatic and allowed me ample time to lick my wounds, although after a few weeks I grew tired of the mild but constant cringing. I tried thinking terribly empowering thoughts and even did something I've never done in my entire life - I asked a man out.
Eternally grateful to the inventors of vodka
Eternally gratefully to the inventors of vodka
'I've messed up' I say, 'seriously, things have gone really wrong. Even more wrong than usual... So I message him and he says he's just leaving work, and shall he come over. Of course I agreed and we end up having this mad drunken night at mine, resulting in very little sleep.'
06/08/2014 16:51 BST
I'd been nagged by my friends to try out Tinder as soon as I got my new phone and I reckoned it could be worth a laugh. There was even talk that one of my more sensible friends had - gasp - met someone 'normal'. So I took the plunge and quickly matched with a very good looking older man.
18/06/2014 13:11 BST
In the car the phone is hooked up to loud speaker and a call comes through as we whizz through an underpass. It's a woman's voice, high pitched and breathy, speaking in an unknown Eastern European language. They have a short conversation and after she hangs up I start giggling and ask who the hell it was... "It was my wife" he said flatly.
09/05/2014 18:41 BST
Last year was my year for getting back out there and I still laugh about how many men I had on the go at any one time. My antics became so notorious at work that every day at 5pm a group of girls would make their way surreptitiously to my desk for a daily update. As well as Serge, the Stuntman, Email Sex Pest and Posho I made a brief foray onto an internet dating site.
09/03/2014 22:11 GMT
A gang of dressed-up twenty-somethings come barging past and one of them steps on my toe, which is not ideal as I am wearing strappy sandals that consist of wisps of diamanté nothingness. I yelp in pain but he doesn't even stop or acknowledge his clumsiness. I limp off to the bar to sulk and ruminate upon the fact that I have officially become INVISIBLE.
05/02/2014 17:36 GMT
"It has reassured me though," I conclude. "There ARE nice men out there, who aren't married, or sleazy, or game-playing. I'm even thinking of inviting him to be guest of honour at my birthday." Lu seems happy with this, if a little perplexed by all the recent developments...
26/12/2013 21:57 GMT
I've heard The Speech many times and it gets a bit boring, but don't get me wrong, The Speech always warms my heart a little because it shows that my friends are looking out for me, and care about me, and want me to be happy. To sum up, it basically conveys an expression of disbelief that I am still, technically, single.
22/10/2013 17:00 BST
It didn't get off the greatest start when we both went to completely separate bars within the same building and when we finally met up we only had half an hour to get acquainted. Initial perceptions weren't great - he was the same height as me and was cut a lean, wiry figure in his hipster garb.
31/07/2013 17:03 BST
Friends have stepped up their efforts to wean me off him, queuing up to tell me off (in the nicest possible way) that they want me to find a nice normal (ideally unmarried) boyfriend, and the conversation pretty much goes the same way each time.
05/06/2013 17:37 BST
The weather is finally, FINALLY on the turn and so it seems is my love life, although the outlook for the latter is not necessarily very sunny. The Stuntman has hilariously (and predictably) not troubled himself to get in touch since his effusive offer of the free holiday we were never, ever going on. Not a peep!
17/04/2013 17:22 BST
My best mate Steve is just back from a glam trip to LA and is filling me in on all the gossip as we nurse giant measures of Amaretto - for some reason that's a 'thing' with us. After a while he settles back and asks me what's been going on back here in the fortnight he's been away. I take a deep breath and tell him.
05/03/2013 17:50 GMT
"My place or yours?" He slurred. "You said you had a wine cellar" I replied, already hailing a cab. And thus I woke up in his well appointed South London bachelor pad, still wearing my dress but only one of my six-inch long diamond drop earrings.
16/01/2013 18:07 GMT
So much has happened lately I don't really know where to start. I've almost been sliced clean in two by a falling window pane, I've been threatened by a lesbian who thought I was hitting on her girlfriend and I've been effectively kidnapped, twice.
11/12/2012 17:57 GMT
"Put on some high heels and a short skirt and come and meet me. The party needs livening up" he texted back, seemingly oblivious to the concept of feminism. And so I did. (I don't actually own a 'short skirt' but figured a nice pair of tailored shorts wouldn't disappoint.)
21/10/2012 22:34 BST
A quick social media scan tells me that the Beau is on holiday with the 'beautiful family' from whom he continues to pretend he is estranged. He'd got quite courageous in the weeks leading up to it, calling me on weekend lunchtimes to say he "happened to be in the area".
05/09/2012 16:55 BST
I'd spent the whole time wondering how I could have missed what a clever and genuine bloke he was. But now he was marching into my bedroom uninvited and taking his clothes off. When I walked in he was lying on my bed, naked, checking his texts.
03/08/2012 16:32 BST
A confession: The Beau is back on my radar if not yet in my bed. My head is ruling that I shouldn't go anywhere near the lying, married, double-exclamation mark-loving ratbag but my ego is shamelessly loving that he still cares enough to pursue me after several weeks of me blanking him at every turn.
05/07/2012 18:21 BST
After having such a nice time with the Stuntman after the gallery, I decided to get all proactive on his ass, and ask him out. But for more than just a few drinks. A friend of mine owns a bijoux little cottage on the optimistically-named English Riviera and asked me if I wanted to housesit for a long weekend.
02/05/2012 22:18 BST
D Day I awoke to find a Facebook friend request from him. Now this was odd as he'd friended me many moons before and must have therefore UNfriended me at some point. As trivial and teenage angsty as that all sounds it really was the final straw. How much more could this man mess me about? ENOUGH.
20/03/2012 22:44 GMT
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